Mommy, Look What I Made!

Knitting Resumes

2010-11-03T11:11:00.000-07:00

I'm back on it! I've made Elliott a hat and a scarf for myself and now I'm working on a Christmas gift-- yahoo! Nice to love knitting again. :)

Knausea

2010-09-27T11:13:00.000-07:00

Hello, all. I am sorry it's been so long. I have been on knitting hiatus as I wait for "morning" sickness to pass. We are expecting our second child (Yay! Yay! Yay!) in April, and for some reason, when I'm not feeling well, knitting is the last thing I want to do. I have no idea why.

But we should be finding out whether it's a boy or a girl in the next few weeks, and I think that once I know which it is there should be a flurry of new knitting going on.

If you've been checking in all this time, thank you for sticking with me. I'll try to be more regular about it now that I've broken the seal.

Be with you again soon.

For My Little Dude

2010-07-25T22:03:00.000-07:00

Boys can wear lavender. They can. Mine will. He loves it.

Cute, fun, easy pattern. I'm sure I'll make another.

Another Cake

2010-07-10T21:48:00.000-07:00

This one I did not bake. It was picked up at a bakery as a blank white cake, and I did this to it:

It's for my cousin's fiance's bridal shower and is based on some graphics from the invitation. I'm fairly happy with it.

Misgivings

2010-07-07T11:14:00.000-07:00

Well, I retried the Buttercup with a few more inches completed, and I wonder how this is going to look on me when it's finished. The design is intended to stand away from the body in a baby-dollish manner, and that does appear to be the effect I am achieving.

So what's the problem? I think it's a lapse in judgement (again) regarding what looks good on me and what doesn't. I get so distracted by the loveliness of the willowy model's figure and how the sweater drapes on her... and I get what I'm calling "Skinny Inside Syndrome". Since I am, after all, a skinny person on the inside, I identify with the model and see myself in the sweater the way she looks...

And then I try on the half-knit item, and I remember... The inside and the outside are a TEEEENY bit different.

We'll see. There is the intention of a second pregnancy in the offing. Perhaps this can be a belly-friendly knit.

As Suggested

2010-07-03T18:28:00.000-07:00

Commenter Anne Marie suggested that I try this on and make sure I'm on the right track. I'd say, "So far, so good." And I'm very relieved. I would hate to have to start this one over again when I'm already almost two balls of yarn in.

Thanks, Anne Marie, for peace of mind.

Curse You Small Gauge Sweater!!!

2010-07-02T08:30:00.000-07:00

I am still trying to knit myself the perfect sweater. The sweater that I will want to wear every day. Recently I decided that perhaps the solution to the problem is gauge related. Finer gauge, more perfect sweater? I know there are lots of you who love the chunky sweater look, as do I, but being of a larger gauge myself, I think chunky yarn contributes to my body image issues. So fingering/sport weight it is.

I selected the Buttercup as my first attempt. It's knit top down, which means I am now working on the bodice and have just reached the lace panel... and there about a THOUSAND STITCHES on the needles. I can't wait to separate the sleeve stitches!

Just keep knitting, just keep knitting, just keep knitting knitting knitting...

Want to hear something extra demented? I'm planning to knit Senor a fine gauge sweater next. Eeesh!

Secret Gifted Knitting

2010-07-01T08:07:00.000-07:00

I worked on this for most of May and the beginning of June, but it was a gift that wasn't given until last Sunday. Now that it's safely with it's owner-to-be, I can share it with you.

This is a Pinwheel Blanket made for my nephew-to-be Mason, due in about 6 weeks. I made it with Twist Cotton from Twist Yarns of Intrigue, my favorite LYS. The yarn is soft and the colors are brilliant. You should get some, too!!!

I can't wait to see the little baby Mason wrapped up in this vibrant stripey softness. Okay, I can't wait to see him no matter what he's wrapped in.

Reboot

2010-06-29T12:54:00.001-07:00

Something finished with which to restart things.

This is the Nikau Hoodie, but I swapped the palm motif for the cable motif from the Gathered Pullover. Thus the Gathered Nikau.

Hey, boy, watch where you're going!!

It's plenty large this time, so Elliott should be able to wear it for a while, possibly a couple of years. The sleeves are much too long, so they'll accomodate significant growth. We shall see how well the Handmaiden Casbah really holds up!

He Did It!!!

2010-05-22T19:52:00.000-07:00

http://outside-blog.away.com/blog/everest/

American Jordan Romero just became the youngest person ever to summit Mt. Everest! He did it this morning (don't ask me to calculate the time difference... no idea.) HE'S 13 YEARS OLD!!!! Dang. You know what I was still working on at 13? Holding hands with a boy.

Apparently there are some exciting stories to come, but as of now, Jordan's sleeping it off safely at Camp 2, which is still really effing high up there.

I'm so excited!

Need a Plan

2010-05-17T09:23:00.000-07:00

As with the lotion, I am feeling bogged down by many multiples in my house. Things tend to linger, and the longer they linger the less I see them and thus the more likely they are to linger (there have been hoarders in my lineage). These things turn into visual noise, which causes a feeling of anxiety and distraction, which leads me into a never-ending cycle of trying to solve the problem. Thus: many lotions, many knitting projects, many books being read simultaneously, many lipsticks, many many many. I long for a simpler way of being. I'd love to have a favorite lotion, a favorite lipstick, a singe work-in-progress, a "the book" I'm reading...

So the question is: to finish the multiples until there is only one left or to discard those that I'm just not sold on?

Some issues will go one way and some the other.

Today I'll address knitting. I'd like to destash. I'd like to produce many beautiful items. I want out from under the list of plans, the pile of wish-I-coulds. I can't do them right now, so I extend the list so far out into someday that by the time I get to start a new project I don't want to make those projects anymore. I need to discard my somedays and focus on what I am making now so that when I am done with the current project I can choose a new someday for that day.

Does this make sense? The fact that I can't explain it better is a symptom of the problem. Distraction. Noise. Guilt. Regret. Why go about a hobby that I love in such a way that it makes me unhappy? But how to fix it?

A destash plan. A knitting monogamy plan.

1. Mason's present: Mason is my nephew-to-be. He will be in August, but his shower is in June. Which is soon. So I need to finish his item. I will keep it out so that it gets worked on in free moments. I plan to finish it by the end of May.

2. Linen scarf: I finally gave in to the urge to get some Louet linen yarn. It's not cheap, but it is wonderful (opinion based on a washed swatch at the shop), and I've had a hankering for a summer scarf. I did not give in to that hankering while at the Gap this week so that I could instead knit myself a summer scarf from the linen I'd been wanting. So far, so good. I finished the first ball of yarn and went on to the second... I'll wait until I get to end of this ball before deciding if I'll need a third. It's just stockinette, which usually bores me to tears... but I've been enjoying it this time. Perhaps because I can read while I work on it...

I'm reading Into Thin Air, which I am loving. I already read The Climb, which chronicles the same incident on Mt. Everest, but it's really interesting to read another side of the story. I'm actually considering reading a third account written by one of the women on the tragic expedition of May 10, 1996. Or perhaps a book about some other expedition. At the moment, my interest in Everest seems fairly limitless. If you think you might be interested, I highly recommend both of the books I mentioned. And if you're interested in what's going on on Everest right now, check out The Outside Blog. There's a 13-year-old American kid up there right now and he's currently near the beginning of his summit bid. Go check it out!

I digressed. Here's to simplification!

Destash of a Different Kind

2010-05-14T21:29:00.001-07:00

I should be the most moist person in the world.

Look at this stash of lotion!!! How does this happen?

I can tell you. When I'm having a bad day or feeling not quite as good about myself as I would like, I go looking for a solution. For some reason I like to look at Riteaid... and for some reason, being more moisturized or more tan or more firm or more wrinkle-free always seems like it would make me feel better. But then the lotions float around all over the house, and while they don't get used regularly enough to have their proposed effect, they each get used a little at a time and thus never get used up.

Well, no more. One body lotion, one hand lotion, one face lotion and one foot lotion. That seems like a lot, but I'm putting the rest in a box and out of sight until I finish one.

Fewer bottles = Less guilt.

And then once they're all used up then I can shop for something that I'll really love to smear on myself and not feel obligated to all of the other unguents hanging around the house. I will be moist!

PS. I hate the word "moist". Hate. It.

Another Cake

2010-05-10T15:49:00.000-07:00

This time for our anniversary. Number 4!!

The lighting is not great, so the colors aren't quite right. The fondant was a very subtle off-white, the moon was silver, and the flowers were more coral than this photo would indicate. It was a small cake, only about 6 inches across. I looked into ways to make the cake more firm in order to build it up better. It worked. More eggs, less water. Next time I'm going to try the suggestion to add instant pudding mix to the batter. Time to try to make a cake in the shape of... something... maybe one of those purse cakes?

Our wedding cake was a bare white cake with bare branches on it. Now you can see our trees have bloomed.

Head Injury

2010-04-26T21:52:00.001-07:00

I hit my head on a wallhanging and ended up with three staples in my head. Good times!

So I'm knitting myself a new hat. :) (that's the Ravelry link)

Here's some knitting

2010-04-14T22:32:00.001-07:00

SUCCESSFUL!!!

Selbu Modern
The grey yarn is Smooshy in the Cloud Jungle colorway.
The purple is Shibui sock-- don't know the name of the color, but I love it.

This is for my Aunt Claudia

(p.s. There is some Lorna's Laces in Mineshaft thrown in around the crown to stretch the last of the cloud jungle. You can tell by the light areas, but otherwise it's a pretty seamless joining to two wildly different yarns. Nice call.)

So it turns out...

2010-04-12T16:33:00.000-07:00

... I might be an extraordinarily slow knitter.

Two rounds of a Jaywalker take me 8 minutes... ??? That's only 168 stitches. How can that be?!

Granted, it's not slow in terms of new knitter speeds, but I've been knitting for about 6 years. Every day. This sock is going to take me FOREVER! In fact, I'm so slow that my brain hasn't realized that I'm actually still working on my first Jaywalker, which is weird because I gave those to my mom years ago, and she doesn't know either that she's wearing socks that don't actually exist.

So far I've knit for over 3hrs 45min and my sock is only 3 or 4 inches long.

I am ashamed.

I'd like to try knitting 168 stitches of something else and see how long it takes me, because 8 minutes can not not not be my empirical time for 168 stitches. It can't even be close.

Age-Old Question

2010-04-05T12:17:00.000-07:00

How long does it take to knit a sock?

Much like how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, this answer varies for most people, and very few, if any, bother to find out the real answer. But I get asked all the time how long it takes me to knit a sock...

So I am going to find out. For the second sock of a pair of Jaywalkers I am going to keep track of how long I spend. I am as curious as you are to know.

Which begs the question (right, Senor), are you curious to know?

Happy Easter

2010-04-03T22:32:00.001-07:00

This is how we'll be celebrating tomorrow:

Cake #2: Chocolate cake with strawberry whipped cream filling. Yum!

The Cake

2010-04-03T09:32:00.001-07:00

Last week I spent 9 hours making this cake for Elliott's first birthday. With the help of my mom and my friend Nicki, we baked the cake, made the fondant, and assembled this beauty. I even drove it home safely in the trunk of my car-- I was so worried about it.

Once home, I showed it to Senor and he said innocently, "Is there a reason you guys put the 1 on backwards?"

Nope. We just didn't notice. I didn't. My mom didn't. My dad didn't. And Elliott doesn't know his numbers yet, so he was no help.

At least there was no way to fix it...

What I've Been Doing

2010-04-01T14:12:00.000-07:00

My own design.

So far so good. Needs hemming and neck ribbing.

And some little stripey pants to go with it.

I'm kinda enjoying this. :)

It was Finished in Time

2010-03-29T21:00:00.000-07:00

I began Elliott in June, 2008.

I began the cross stitch, to the best of my recollection, in January, 2009.

I finished Elliott in March, 2009.

I finished the cross stitch in March, 2010. Before his first birthday.

It's the thing I forgot that I always wanted to make for my kids someday. I just didn't remember that I always wanted to until someday was almost here.

Now he's one year old, I'm about 5 years older, and my son has an heirloom that his mother worked uncounted hours creating just for him, finishing it just in time to be a year late. But it's finished.

And because I won't be making the same mistake again, I've already started a second for hypothetical future brother or sister... because I'm pretty sure that once there are two of them there won't be time to finish things late anymore.

And because cross stitch is strangely compelling.

This is Not My Tattoo

2010-03-18T21:57:00.000-07:00

But I kinda wish it was...

Episode Three: The Royal Tenenbaums

I don't think you're an asshole, Royal. I just think you're kind of a son of a bitch.

If you haven't seen this movie, you've got to. It's a weird one, but it grows on you... and then eventually it's permanent. Like this tattoo. But don't put it on your body, just put it in your heart.

This is Not My Tattoo

2010-03-11T21:49:00.000-08:00

Episode Two: 525,600 Minutes

That's about how long I would have thought this was cool.

And from then on I never would have had to worry about my track marks showing because I'd have worn long sleeves for the rest of my 525,600 x 80 minutes.

11 months, 10 days

2010-03-06T19:35:00.001-08:00

"Ain't no stoppin' us now, we're on the move!"

This is Not My Tattoo

2010-03-04T21:33:00.000-08:00

A new segment on this blog. In which I display tattoos I might have once thought were cool enough to get, but thank goodness, I never did. Thank goodness, other people have. With this one, it was difficult to choose from all of the photos out there... I wasn't the only one who thought this was a good idea.

Episode One: The Dead Poets Society Days

I thought this saying was so cool and so meaningful and so life changing... for all of 7th grade. By and large, I can confidently say the only diem I would have carped would have been the day I got this tattoo. And then I'd have spent the rest of my life feeling terrible that I didn't live up to the tattoo I never should have gotten and the movie about how theater will only make you want to kill yourself.

Given All of the Options, I Choose None

2010-03-03T14:47:00.000-08:00

I forgot about a work in progress when I made my list of what to work on next...

... it a project that's been dragging on for over a year now, and it's got an obvious opportunity for a new deadline coming up. I missed the first obvious deadline on March 25, 2009 when Elliott was born and I had not yet completed it.

Now it is nearly a year later, and I still have not finished it... though I am getting devilishly close. Can it be done by his first birthday? I've got 22 days. What is it? I don't believe I've mentioned it on the blog before...

... so you'll have to wait and see...

Any guesses?

That Kind of Day

2010-03-02T18:35:00.001-08:00

I haven't showered. My hair needs to be dyed; my roots are out of control and revealing my age. I did some of the things on my to do list, but not all of them. The majority are left undone and may never get done. I've eaten too much, as usual, because I felt all day as though I hadn't had time to eat.

There are toys everywhere.

My bedtime is creeping later and later, but wake-up time this morning was exactly the same as usual. I'm so tired.

He cried every time I had to put him in his crib while I peed. He's still wearing his pajamas from this morning. He banged his face on the coffee table because crawling isn't safer than walking.

I found ants on his high chair. And the carpet. And on him.

But that's not the kind of day it was.

This evening, after I'd surrendered the remainder of my to-do list and my shower, he sat on my lap, buzzing his lips like an engine because he was holding one of his trucks. In a flash, I realized how precious that moment was. I tucked my face into his cheek and closed my eyes and tried to memorize his weight, his warmth, his constant expenditure of energy, his smell-- that unbathed baby smell. That's what kind of day it was: one that had a perfect moment. And then he leaned his head back far enough to look me in the eye, grabbed the too-short hair on the back of my head, patted my shoulder with his other fat little hand and gave me a wet baby kiss.

I guess he wanted to remember it forever, too.

I Declare These Games Closed

2010-03-01T09:59:00.000-08:00

I didn't make it. I came close: Just half of the seaming left, plus weaving in the ends and putting in a zipper (yikes!). I probably could have made it, but it would require more extensive neglect of my husband and child, and I was not comfortable with that, so I surrendered. It's a decision all competitors must make for themselves: What am I willing to give up to win? Turns out I am not willing to give up lunch out with my boys or time playing with baby's new toys. Or sleep.

I am fine with the results of this decision. I got so close that I am satisfied with the effort, and I will have a finished sweater very soon.

Now, what to do next? There is a charge I am feeling now that this project is nearly finished. It makes me feel like I have a clean slate... but I don't. I have many WiPs that I could finish... I'm sorry, SHOULD finish.

- Endpaper Mitts, for Heaven's Sake!
- Honeypie
- Jaywalkers Revisited
- Laminaria (started pre-pregnancy, Hello! He's almost 1!!)
- Barn Raising Quilt #2

There are some projects that are at the forefront of the To Be Cast On list.
- Rainy Day Mitts (got the yarn already)
- Something for my nephew to be, aka Microcuz (got the yarn already)

And then there is everything else. I want to knit it all!! I want finished projects, so I should start with the already started, since I'm a lot closer to finishing those than things that aren't started yet (duh), but this is never the way my mind works.

And that's why I never have a clean slate. Never.

Sometimes I drive me crazy.

Progress: 5 Days to Go

2010-02-24T07:46:00.000-08:00

The second sleeve is finished. The second front is started up to three inches of ribbing.

If this sweater is to be finished, I am going to take my friend Liz's suggestion and attempt to seam without blocking, a frustrating prospect, but hopefully less time consuming than the alternative.

Progress: 7 Days to Go

2010-02-22T14:04:00.001-08:00

That includes today... Uh. Oh. I'm 1/3 of the way through the second sleeve... and then I have to do the second front, the hood, and the ribbed edging. Not to mention the blocking and seaming. Uh.Oh.

I will continue trying to get it done, if for no other reason than to be that much closer to having a finished sweater by Sunday, but my hopes are dwindling.

So here's a cute video of one of the possible reasons I get less knitting done than necessary to be an Olympian:

Progress: 10 Days to Go

2010-02-18T19:37:00.000-08:00

I'm nearly done with sleeve one. I hope to finish it and start the next (or one of the fronts) before bed.

I might be in trouble, folks. I don't know if I can get it done...

But if Lindsey Vonn can win with swiss cheese on her shin, so can I.

ETA 10:20pm: Sleeve finished. Left front started, 2.5 inches of ribbing.

Progress: 12 days to go

2010-02-16T15:01:00.001-08:00

The back is finished. The first sleeve is knit beyond the ribbing.

I'm so glad the married Chinese couple won the pairs figure skating! Now please, friends from the East, MOVE IN TOGETHER AND WEAR YOUR GOLD MEDALS AROUND THE HOUSE ON SUNDAY MORNINGS!!!

It's what we would do...

Knitting Olympics

2010-02-15T11:20:00.000-08:00

17 days. One sweater. All in, no looking back.

I cast on for my Central Park Hoodie on Friday evening with the Opening Ceremonies of Vancouver 2010. I could hardly wait to start it! In good knitting company, I sat on my couch, kept one eye on the baby, who cooperated wonderfully, and one eye on my black wool silk blend as it began to grow into a sweater.

I took care of baby business, but beyond that, I knit for 6 hours straight and had several inches of sweater back to show for it by bedtime.

I knit as much as I could both Saturday and Sunday, and now it stands at 20 inches of back. I'm hoping to finish the back tonight. Barring any unforeseen complications, knitting or otherwise, I think this is a reasonable goal.

Then on to arm #1. Then front #1. Then arm #2. Then front #2. Then seaming and the hood.

It's totally doable. As long as Elliott's minor experiments in small w walking don't turn into capitol W Walking too quickly... Baby, it's all in your hands. Be good to Mama...

Comparison

2010-01-30T19:26:00.000-08:00

Elliott: 10 months

Elliott: Day 1

Well...

2010-01-19T11:10:00.001-08:00

It's crochet... it's a start. Step one toward one resolution.

I also looked up my local blood donation sites. Now I just need to find a time to go without the baby.

Recent Knitting- One

2010-01-14T07:25:00.001-08:00

The first project started and finished in 2010: Elijah.

Size 2 needles
Elann Lara- less than one ball, what a deal!

One of Elliott's baby-buddies turned 1 last weekend, and that means knits were in order. I've been wanting to make Ysolda's Elijah since I first saw him. Colten's birthday was the perfect reason. We had to leave the party before the presents were opened, so I haven't heard whether Elijah was a hit, but I was very pleased with how he turned out and can highly recommend this pattern. I got some yarn to make one for Elliott.

A boy can have a purple elephant toy, right?

Big Day

2010-01-07T21:15:00.000-08:00

- Elliott's cutting tooth number 3!
- I'm officially going to be an auntie!
- Finished an Elijah! (Photos to come)
- Missed a call from best friend in Australia- Doh!
- Hung out at favorite knit shop, Twist, Yarns of Intrigue.
- Elliott has figured out how to tip up a bottle so that he can actually drink it.
- Elliott pointed at Senor and said very clearly, "Da da." That's it, folks. Da da wins.

Resolutions: 2010

2010-01-06T12:09:00.000-08:00

Knitting Resolutions
Try knitting with beads
Try double knitting
Try crochet
Knit from stash
Try fair isle with more than two colors
Practice knitting continental style
Try entrelac
Knit baby gifts for two future baby relatives
Knit one pattern from each book in my personal library (if I've already knit one from a book before this, I don't have to knit another unless I want to)
Participate in Knitting Olympics
ETA 2/2/10: Knit a sock toe-up

Non-Knitting Resolutions
Do I even need to say "lose weight"?
Give Blood
Establish weekly routines
Establish sanity moments
Reset all internet passwords
Work harder at work
Curtail procrastinating behaviors (please try to ignore the fact that I am posting my New Year's Resolutions 6 days into the new year)

I've got a lot to do. How 'bout you?

Back to Business

2010-01-02T00:02:00.000-08:00

Elliott's a maniac, maniac on the floor. Yeah, baby, show us your resolutions!

Happy New Year, Folks! I'm back and plan to be better. I've missed you all.

Each Foot Down a Rabbit Hole

2009-11-02T10:05:00.000-08:00

The only thing that may keep me from falling headlong into either hole is the presence of the other.

1) NaNoWriMo: National Novel Writing Month. 50,000 words in 30 days. Word count so far: 2011 words. I am currently current on my daily word count. That's a good way to start. Working title of my 2010 novel: Hindsight. "If the quest for the Future was preventing the possibility of any future, your only refuge is the Past."

2) Spinning. That's right kids. I decided to try spinning. Our knitting group attended a local fiber festival yesterday, and I found that I was not attracted to the yarn (I have lots of exciting yarn at home). I was drawn to the unspun fiber. I've been thinking about trying it, but I have feared the potential of my going overboard and filling my home with piles of fiber bigger than my pre-existing piles of yarn. But since I have just started, I still have the power of not going overboard. Buy it. Spin it. Buy another. Spin that. One at a time. Single file. I bought. I spun. I sucked but it is unquestionably yarn.

I bought some more to practice on. It was on sale, it's predrafted (I think that the drafting was the main source of my sucking), and it's just to see if I truly like spinning. So far, I can't be certain. I guess I had a silent lurking dream that I was going to be magically delicious at spinning. I didn't know the dream was there until it was dashed. Now I have to see if I can conjure up a knack for it out of good old fashioned practice and determination.

After I write my words for the day.

Do you ever just want to clap for yourself?

2009-10-27T22:45:00.001-07:00

Teefs!

2009-10-24T22:08:00.000-07:00

Elliott cut his first two teeth on Friday. His bottom two front teeth. What a big boy!

Photos of the teeth to come, if we are ever able to get one.

It Crawls

2009-10-18T10:37:00.000-07:00

What's it Worth?

2009-10-12T09:24:00.000-07:00

Two pounds. What are they worth?

It's no secret: I gained a lot of weight with my pregnancy. 60 pounds. I ought to have given birth to a 6 year old by that account, but that's neither here nor there.

Except why are these two pounds here AND there? Don't get me wrong, these are not the last of the 60. Oh no, children. These are the two I swore to lose by my birthday. These are the last two before I'm back in the hundreds. These are the last two pounds before I say, "Okay, now 12 more to go to get back to a weight where I wasn't that happy to begin with." These are the last two before I no longer have my own weight category in our local 10K (I did not do the 200+ category any favors. Senor, Elliott and I only beat 17 people total. We almost LOST a 10K. I thought that honor was reserved for arthritic seniors. We only beat a couple of pregnant ladies and their pregnant friends and three middle aged Dead fans. Granted, we were carrying an 18 pound baby around...).

When I put it this way, these two pounds seem so insignificant in my grand scheme that I don't know why they bother me. THESE shouldn't be the two that bother me. These two land in the middle of the marathon. If you're running 26 miles, you don't sweat mile 12 and 13... Well, you do, but really, you have so much farther to go that hopefully you can put your head down and let them pass relatively unnoticed.

And while we're at it, what is a birthday worth? Birthdays, New Years, Mondays... why do we allow ourselves to create deadlines that, if/when not met, make us feel MORE badly about ourselves? Is it because, without a deadline, we are less likely to complete the task? Is it because we know we would enjoy the landmark day so much more if only we could rid ourselves of these two little things that bother us and make us feel unworthy? Is it merely to avoid having to try to complete the task today? A noble-sounding way of saying "maybe tomorrow"?

The trouble is that now, with my birthday less than a week away, not only will I feel badly about the pounds not lost, I will also feel badly about not reaching the deadline. Double the shame, double the fun.

I don't deserve it. I have lost 46 pounds in six months. That's great! It should feel great. I wish it did.

Tell me, why are two pounds worth more 46?

Pilot Out

2009-10-06T08:16:00.001-07:00

I know that I'm going to sound like an extraordinary wimp, but it's 65 degrees in our apartment and our heater's pilot is out. Poor Elliott's hands and ears are like ice. I called the gas company and they can't come light the pilot until Thursday-- Brrrrrr...

I know. Some of you have snow. But as a native Southern Californian, I am not made of the right stuff to tolerate this. I suspect Elliott is not either.

But it is a good reason to bring out the hand knits! Elliott's grandma knit him this:

It finally fits!

It's the Provence Baby Sweater by Cecily Glowik MacDonald. So cute!

Seriously?!

2009-09-29T09:21:00.000-07:00

(I know, I know, where have I been? The walking, flossing, and moisturizing have continued for the most part. The push-ups and crunches... not so much. And well, obviously, the blog posting has seriously fallen off... but that's not why I'm here, check this out:)

I just got. In the mail. A personalized signed copy of Jared Flood's pattern booklet "Made in Brooklyn"!! Thank you, Barbara!!!! This is so cool! I've had my eye on a number of these patterns, and I was planning to pay for them individually on Ravelry, but now I have them ALL! Willoughby, here I come.

Thank you so much, Barbara, this is an amazingly thoughtful and surprising kick off to birthday season! I forgot that my birthday was coming up at all. I hadn't forgotten that I'd be turning 31 soon, but I forgot that that means it's my Birthday-- it's not all wrinkles and sagging. It's also fun and gifts.

Thank you for reminding me!

8/31

2009-09-22T22:27:00.000-07:00

1. Floss my teeth- Yes.
2. Take a walk- Yes.
3. Read- Coming up...
4. Write down what I eat- No.
5. Stretch- No.
6. Moisturize- Hands and feet.
7. Clean out/organize/de-clutter: Finish WiP, Organized Elliott's toy bag
8. 10 push-ups- No.
9. Crunches- No.
10. Write a blog post to hold myself accountable- Hello.

Tone Correction: 6/31

2009-09-22T16:12:00.000-07:00

It should have said something more along the lines of this:

I was too busy having a great time with my best friend, who's been living thousands of miles away for a long long time, to worry about trivial things like push-ups. The academic endeavor of doing certain things 31 times in 31 days was a wash, yes, but the day itself was most certainly not.

I am sorry that the tone was as academic as the endeavor. The visit with you, my dear friend, was neither academic nor trivial.

My sincere and public apologies.

7/31

2009-09-21T22:43:00.000-07:00

1. Floss my teeth- Yes.
2. Take a walk- Nope.
3. Read- I plan to.
4. Write down what I eat- Yes.
5. Stretch- Yes.
6. Moisturize- Hands and feet.
7. Clean out/organize/de-clutter: I worked on a WiP, that's sorta like decluttering...
8. 10 push-ups- Yes.
9. Crunches- Yes.
10. Write a blog post to hold myself accountable- Goodnight.

6/31

2009-09-20T22:59:00.000-07:00

Today was a bit of a wash. I have an out of town guest from overseas... and I let it slide a bit...

1. Floss my teeth- Yes, I still did this.
2. Take a walk- Does mall cruising count?
3. Read- I might...
4. Write down what I eat- Yes, I still did this.
5. Stretch- Nope.
6. Moisturize- Hands and feet.
7. Clean out/organize/de-clutter: Yes, a little this morning in preparation.
8. 10 push-ups- Nope.
9. Crunches- Nope.
10. Write a blog post to hold myself accountable- Yes, I still showed up, in spite of my epic fail.

5/31

2009-09-19T23:28:00.000-07:00

1. Floss my teeth- Yes.
2. Take a walk- Enjoying the cool weather down here near the beach.
3. Read- Looking forward to it.
4. Write down what I eat- Yep.
5. Stretch- Man, it hurts.
6. Moisturize- Hands and feet.
7. Clean out/organize/de-clutter: Much cleaning and organizing today.
8. 10 push-ups- Yes.
9. Crunches- Yes.
10. Write a blog post to hold myself accountable- Cheers.

Here's a little look at a project I knocked down in two days (not consecutive days, though):

It's the toadstool rattle pattern... but I made it into an ice cream cone. It's a gift for a little baby girl due in December. I hope she loves it.

And here are a few photos to show you what we've been doing around here:

This one above is Elliott supporting himself on the sofa cushion... standing up unsupported by Mommy or Daddy. He didn't pull himself up entirely by himself, but he stayed up and turned his back on the poor performance of his mighty Trojans all by himself.

4/31

2009-09-18T22:14:00.000-07:00

1. Floss my teeth- Yes.
2. Take a walk- Yes, this evening. Didn't let it go by. I went out and did it. Senor and Elliott went with me.
3. Read- I'll give you a page or two, that's all I've got.
4. Write down what I eat- Did it.
5. Stretch- While waiting at the pediatricians... No, in the private room while Elliott played in his car seat.
6. Moisturize- Face.
7. Clean out/organize/de-clutter: Failed.
8. 10 push-ups- Did it.
9. Crunches- Did it.
10. Write a blog post to hold myself accountable- I'm here, but not for long. Soon I'll be in bed. I haven't slept much in days.

It wasn't teething. It was an earache. We've been up every hour most of the night three nights in a row. I'm going to bed. Now we've got medication. Perhaps we shall sleep tonight... or soon...

3/31

2009-09-17T22:18:00.000-07:00

1. Floss my teeth- Minty fresh.
2. Take a walk- 30 minutes AM, 30 minutes PM-- take that, 30!!!
3. Read- Looking forward to it.
4. Write down what I eat- You got it.
5. Stretch- Man, I am NOT flexible anymore.
6. Moisturize- Back, face.
7. Clean out/organize/de-clutter: Dumped all the trashes in the house.
8. 10 push-ups- You should see my mommy guns.
9. Crunches- J-E-L-L-O.
10. Write a blog post to hold myself accountable- Off to bed. Goodnight.

I think my little sweetie is teething. Here is a shot from brighter days.

2/31

2009-09-16T22:21:00.000-07:00

1. Floss my teeth- Did it.
2. Take a walk- 35 Minutes on my lunch hour
3. Read- Coming up next...
4. Write down what I eat- Did it.
5. Stretch- Did it.
6. Moisturize- Feet, arms, face.
7. Clean out/organize/de-clutter: Refold and stack towel closet.
8. 10 push-ups- Did it.
9. Crunches- Did it.
10. Write a blogpost to hold myself accountable- Hi, howya doin'?

Day One

2009-09-15T22:05:00.000-07:00

1. Floss my teeth- Check!
2. Take a walk- 30 Minutes! Elliott played with the toadstool I knit for him (see below)
3. Read- when I go to bed...
4. Write down what I eat- Yep.
5. Stretch- Yep.
6. Moisturize- Face, Feet, Elbows.
7. Clean out/organize/de-clutter: Cupboard above the trash can closet.
8. 10 push-ups- Check!
9. Crunches- Check!
10. Write a blogpost to hold myself accountable- You're lookin' at it.

Feelin' good.

Toadstool Baby Rattle by The Purl Bee
A one day project!

31 in 31 Days

2009-09-15T07:24:00.000-07:00

Have you ever completed the sentence: I wish I was the kind of person who...?

It's a self-depricating game I play a lot, a way of saying to me, "You're doing pretty well, but you don't do [fill in the blank], so you could be better." I don't mean to do it, and perhaps that's why it's so destructive. It's aimless. It's not played with the intention of correcting the perceived problems; it's just an exercise.

I came to the realization this morning that in 31 days I'll be 31 years old. The year 30 has slipped away quickly, much of it spent at the mercy of my new little friend, and I feel that in order to do the best for him, I have let some things slip. Many of these things complete the sentence I wish I was the kind of person who... And now I am facing a deadline. By 31 years old, I should be able to manage some of these simple things that would bring me closer to being the kind of person I wish I were.

In the spirit of self-improvement and aging gracefully, here are 10 things I'll attempt to do 31 times in 31 days.

1. Floss my teeth
2. Take a walk
3. Read
4. Write down what I eat
5. Stretch
6. Moisturize (I'm getting old, after all)
7. Clean out/organize/de-clutter something
8. 10 push-ups
9. Crunches
10. Write a blogpost to hold myself accountable

And that means I'll be back later...

Ta-Daaaah!

2009-09-14T10:33:00.000-07:00

Finally...

2009-09-10T11:10:00.000-07:00

My second Shetland Triangle is blocking... It only took me 5 and a half months... Not a lot of floor space these days, what with all of the exersaucers and whatnot...

I can't wait to show it to you...

And I can't wait for a reason to wear it... like even the slightest hint of a breeze.

I've been waiting more than a year for this...

2009-09-03T11:16:00.001-07:00

Back to Business

2009-09-02T09:38:00.001-07:00

Hello all! I've been busy and distracted, and I apologize for letting you all sit idle for so so long. Here's a quick post to get things going again.

On August 8th my brother got married- Hoorah, Mr. and Mrs. Brother!

(left to right: My mom, Mr. Brother, Mrs. Brother, Me, Elliott, Senor, and my dad)

Senor and I were both in the wedding party, and Elliott got to be there for part of the festivities as well. So of course, as any good knitting mom would do, I decided that he would have to have a new outfit and I would have to make it for him. I knit furiously for two weeks to get it done in time, and I was sewing in ends and waistbands the morning of the wedding. Here it is:

Cargo by Brynne Sutton
sans pockets (dressier that way)
Tahki Cotton Classic in a beige colorway (don't have the number handy)
I used a headband for the waistband. Just double up and stitch part of it and sew it in place. It worked really well, and I suppose there's a possibility of letting it back out if it could be extracted from the hem... of course that is limited by the stretchiness of the stockinette.

and

Owl Baby Vest by Jodi Haraldson
sans eyeball buttons (dressier that way)
Cascade Venezia in black

I realize that you can't even tell the owl cables are on that black vest, so here's another photo where you can see them better:

So there you go. I've finally gotten the baby boy knitting mojo. I am currently working on a nice lettuce green Waffles for the boy. Lettuce green because it could also be worn by future brother or sister... whenever they might come along. Don't get any ideas. Please. Let's get this one a little farther along first...

The Joys of Motherhood

2009-07-14T08:26:00.000-07:00

It's difficult to explain the joy of motherhood. It's difficult to capture the sweetness of a cuddle, the way the baby kneads your arm as he falls asleep, the tender way he looks at you that makes you know you're his mommy. So instead we capture the comic.

And when you walk in to get your baby in the morning and find this:

... you just know that this parenthood thing is going to be a good time!

Though I think it's a bit early to start rebelling... What To Expect said they don't usually start that until 6 months old...

Knitting Content!

2009-06-22T07:14:00.000-07:00

So. After Elliott was born I started another Barn Raising Quilt. I can't help myself. It's perfect baby knitting. Here's what I have so far:

Clockwise starting in the top left corner: Handmaiden Casbah in Dandelion, Malabrigo sock yarn in Indeicita, Socks that Rock Mediumweight in Koi Koi, Classic Merino Superwash sock yarn in Pink Grapefruit, Dream in Color Smooshy in In Vino Veritas, Shibui sock yarn in Bark, and Dream in Color Smooshy in Black Parade. I'm not sure whether the colors in the top photo (with flash) or the bottom (without flash) are more accurate, so you get both.

So far I have the following yarns to add to it:

Malabrigo sock in Ochre (mine is more chartreusey)

Dream in Color Smooshy in Cloud Jungle (mine is more grey, fewer color streaks)

and Artyarns Ultramerino 4 in colorway 127.

Elliott is intrigued by the prospect of this project:

I hope Mommy lets me chew on this next one...

Worldwide Knit in Public Day

2009-06-13T17:00:00.000-07:00

I couldn't make it to my knitting group's knit out on June 13th because we had relatives in town, but I knitted in public anyway (knitted?).

It's Just Too Good To Be True

2009-06-08T11:27:00.000-07:00

Living in Los Angeles, as we do, and having been theater people, as we were, Senor and I come into contact with celebrities on occasion. We created a phrase to describe our lifestyle: Celebrity Adjacent. That basically means that we are friends with people who associate with celebrities on a daily basis, and thus we sometimes get included in a social or business event that brings us into the celebrity world. Celebrity Adjacent.

But there's another type of public figure association that's beginning to crop up more and more. Having been a theater student at USC, having done local theater in and around Los Angeles, I've met A LOT of actor-types. Senor has likewise. Some of you who read this blog have as well. And while none of us are household faces, some of our friends and acquaintances are beginning to be. So I wanted to do a shout out to those friends and acquaintances of ours who are making good.

Starting with the most recent... Last night I stumbled across the broadcast of the 2009 Tony Awards right at the end, just as the cast of "Hair" was finishing their performance. Since I haven't seen most of the shows, not having been in New York basically ever, I don't really care who wins what award, but I do like to watch for the song and dance numbers. So I left it on. At that point, there was just one performance left, and it was a tribute to "Jersey Boys". The medley featured five different guys who play Frankie Valli in various current major productions. The lights dimmed and a spotlight came up on a former cast mate and friend of mine. Mr. Joe Bwarie has done what, for me, was the impossible. He's gone from playing a supporting role in a local production of "West Side Story" to performing on the Tony Awards. I am so happy for him! He's in the Ontario cast of "Jersey Boys", apparently, and there he was looking all dapper and legit on my television. Nice one, my friend! It might be enough to get me to join Facebook in order to look you up and congratulate you... maybe...

From the same production of "West Side Story", I have the pleasure of knowing and having worked with a man you may know as Mr. Electricity.

I also saw John Hemphill, unexpectedly, in "Zodiac" with Jake Gillenhall. I'm keeping my eye out for you, Riff!

And again, from "West Side Story", my old friend Rachael Lawrence, who was recently seen in the series "I Hate My 30s". Very funny!
Also occasionally appearing on "I Hate my 30s", someone that I went to USC with (though he probably didn't know who I was), and someone with whom Senor has worked, Michael Cornacchia.

I also know the girl who sniffed a shoe in a credit card commercial, played God on "Joan of Arcadia" and might have killed someone on an episode of "Cold Case"... Mageina Tovah.

And I know the girl in the Citibank commercial who goes running next to her husband's car because she doesn't have an mp3 player.

I'm feeling pretty good when I turn on my t.v. these days. Perhaps I'll see YOU next...

The Biggest Loser Swap Spoils... so far!

2009-05-30T18:25:00.001-07:00

From grannyfaye, I received a kit for a posey pillow from www.annieamelia.com. It includes a skein of Araucania Nature Cotton, buttons, a piece of quilt for the applique flowers, a pattern, and some chocolate lip balm. Yum!

From knit1kids2, I got a vibrant skein of Sereknity sock yarn in a colorway called Macintosh-- I assume it's named for the apples-- it's fun to knit and good for you, too. :) It also included a pattern for a scarf that would work for the yarn. A mystery pattern... wonder what it will look like?

From knitster58, I received a wonderful package of goodies! It came in a really cool project bag, perfect for a small, portable project like a sock, and it included a skein of regia surf color sock yarn in a really juicy red and coral colorway, some nailpolish, tangerine and apple lip gloss, two notepads, some notecards, and what appear to be some handmade pearl stitch markers-- knitster58, did you make those yourself? Love it all!

MaybeeSomeday got me an on-line gift certificate to KnittingNotionsonline.com. I used it to purchase a skein of sock yarn in a colorway called Pink Grapefruit. It is so squishy and bright. I love it!

And from trueblonde, I received an on-line gift certificate to www.bluemoonfiberarts.com, which was used to get a skein of Socks that Rock Mediumweight in the colorway Koi Koi. It is hard to beat Blue Moon colorways and I had a really hard time choosing. I was not disappointed in my choice. So pretty!

That's my booty so far. Thank you everyone. I am having the best time contemplating projects, though I suspect a lot if not all of the sock yarn will end up contributing to a second Barn Raising Quilt. I can't help myself-- it's a totally addictive pattern!

A Little Gem

2009-05-18T21:25:00.000-07:00

Elliott's been trying to find his voice lately... it's really cute, but it's so far elluded capture on film. However, I did capture THIS:

Finished a Book

2009-05-18T20:56:00.000-07:00

I've actually finished reading two books in the past 8 weeks... that seems like a lot for a new mother to have gotten through. In all fairness, though, I started both before Elliott was born.

One was "Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay and other things I had to learn as a new mom" by Stefanie Wilder-Taylor. I recommend it for Mommy types. But only if you have a sense of humor about your status as a mommy. If you take it very seriously, if it is sacrosanct, you may not like it. But I found its irreverence perfect for me.

The other was the Yarn Harlot's most recent book "Free Range Knitter". Excellent for you knitter types, and especially for you breast-feeding knitter types. It was the perfect book for middle of the night feedings. Thank you, Yarn Harlot, for getting me through the first 52 nights of being awake when I used to be asleep.

Get some!

2009-05-15T22:09:00.000-07:00

I can't believe he's almost 2 months old! I can't believe how I much personality such a small person can have!

Two pieces of news

2009-05-14T15:50:00.000-07:00

One-- I won the Biggest Loser pool that I joined on Ravelry!!! When I was assigned the pink team I had my doubts. Not because I didn't think that Helen or Shannen could do it, but because I couldn't imagine that there would be not only a third female Biggest Loser in a row, but also a third pink team Biggest Loser in a row... it seemed much too far-fetched. Alas, Helen and I prevailed!!! Now I get yarn (or gift certificates for yarn) from all of the other knitters in my swap... one knitter for each color. How many colors were there? I didn't bother to count, but I think it was 10 total... Yippee!!

Two-- I don't know when something like this becomes official, probably around the time of the first "Where's my blankie?!" tantrum... but I think Elliott may have declared his eternal blanket love for the grey pinwheel blanket I knit for him!!! Is it too early at 7 weeks old to make that kind of commitment? Probably, but all I can say is that he responds to it with smiling and cuddling in a way that he doesn't respond to anything else in his small sphere of life... not even me or his daddy. As the knitter of the beloved item I find this almost more gratifying than I do as the mother of the beloving child. :)

The Great Debate

2009-05-11T07:49:00.000-07:00

I keep getting asked two questions about being a mother to a boy:

Has he peed in your mouth yet?

Has he peed in your eye yet?

The answer to both questions is: Not yet. Apparently these two things are unavoidable, so I will not hope to avoid them. They seem to be everyone's worst case scenario... which makes me wonder: Which is actually worse? Anyone experienced both? While I dare not hope to avoid them both entirely, perhaps I can avoid one of them and never truly know... is it worse to get peed in the eye or the mouth?

Happy Mother's Day!!

Baby Boy Essential #1

2009-05-02T09:40:00.000-07:00

(Insert Harlem Globetrotters music)

I had to make this for Elliott. It is specially designed NOT to come off. Of course, this design element is subject to testing, which will probably not occur until sock #2 has been completed. They are knee-high and totally rad. If I do say so myself... and I do.

Life's little miracles!

2009-04-27T12:22:00.000-07:00

Elliott is smiling! Wow, it feels amazing to know that someone is in there!! I'll try to catch it on film, but so far it is hard to get him to do it twice in a row, and the first one always gets missed.

Also, I've just bound off my second Shetland Triangle. As soon as it's blocked, I'll let you see it.

ETA photo 5/1/09

Well, I sorta caught it... :)

The Story

2009-04-22T12:19:00.000-07:00

3/24/09 11:30am, 3 days late: Senor and I arrive at the Caioti Pizzeria in Studio City to order "The Salad", a salad reputed to induce labor. They have stacks of blank books filled with testimonies of women who drove long ways to partake of The Salad in hopes of getting their little ones out. We heard about it and decided there was nothing to lose. I left a note in the most recent book in hopes that I would soon have an update.

3/24/09 3:00pm, 3 days late: Doctor's appointment. A "fingertip" worth of dilation. We refused an offer to induce, but the doctor did strip my membrane (I didn't know that's what she did until later), which basically means she purposely irritated my cervix during the exam to stimulate the release of hormones in hopes of stirring something up.

3/24/09, 4:00pm, 3 days late: What the hell is that?!
3/24/09, 4:06pm, 3 days late: Woah, what the hell again!
3/24/06, 4:12pm, 3 days late: That's 3 in a row, six minutes apart. I decided to tell Senor. "Senor, I'm having contractions every 6 minutes. They're not that bad, but they are regular. I'm going to wait for a few more to go by to make sure, but I think this is it." Senor goes into high alert.

3/24/09, 5:00pm, 3 days late: I called the doctor's office. "I've had contractions every 6 minutes for the last hour." They said to head for the hospital.

3/24/09, 6:15pm, 3 days late: We arrive at the hospital, bags in hand. They put us in the Labor/Triage room to check my status and put me on the monitors. I was only 1cm dilated, so they decided to have me stay a couple of hours and check the progress at that point-- that's when the photo entitled "This isn't so bad" was taken. I was excited to get on with it and meet my baby. After about two hours on the monitors they decided it was okay for me to walk around. So we made laps of the hallway, stopping every few minutes to lean against a wall during contractions. Senor complimented me on how well I was handling it. In the end, however, they found that I was STILL only about 1cm dilated. As I was still tolerating the contractions well, and likely had many hours to go, they gave us the option to go home and wait it out or stay there a couple more hours-- understanding that they might still send me home at that time if progress hadn't been made-- and see how it goes. We opted to go home. That was at about 10pm.

3/25/09, 1:00am, 4 Days Late: After three hours of watching television, having sent Senor to bed (someone may as well get some sleep), my contractions were about 3 minutes apart and getting scary painful. I woke Senor up and off we went to the hospital again. It was a LONG car trip-- though it only lasted about 18 minutes. Back to the triage room. They still weren't ready to commit to admitting me, but I knew that I would NOT be going home again without a baby. Still only "almost 3cm" dilated, we continued to wait. I wasn't up for walking around anymore, but they did let me use the hot tub since my water hadn't broken yet. That helped me tolerate it for a while, but by 4am I had to give in. "Who do I have to talk to about getting medication?!" I didn't want to go through another contraction without knowing that relief was on the way. I am not a superhero, and at that point I was convinced that a person could, in fact, die from pain. If I had been trapped in an elevator or somewhere with no help, I am convinced that I would have gone toward the light-- that's the only way I can think to explain how badly it hurt... for me. Not everyone has this experience, and some, like my friend Ashley, get through the whole thing without making a peep and without any medication. I applaud that. I could not do it. I can't imagine anything hurting worse than what I felt. I was a banshee, and I felt bad for the other people in the hospital who were facing labor... if they weren't scared of it before, they were after hearing me. There was no cursing nor any hateful invectives for Senor, but the moaning was out of control. I was embarrassed.

3/25/09, 4:00am, 4 days late: They admitted me. Finally. We walked to my delivery room, I vomited on arrival, and they gave me the fast-acting narcotic pain killer. I was out. I was EFFED up! I felt as though I was in a shooting gallery, where everything was two-dimensional and streaming past on conveyor belts. At least that was fun.

3/25/09, 7:00am, 4 days late: The narcotics wore off and I was given the epidural by an anesthesiologist wearing a Redondo Beach Superbowl 10k 2009 race t-shirt... a race that Senor and I might have run if not for being all pregnant. That made me like the man... that and the large needle full of drugs that he had to offer. Epidurals are difficult to explain. I can only say this: It felt like someone was tapping on my soul, and I knew that no one belonged in there. But it wasn't more painful than merely uncomfortable. I settled in to wait out the dilating. My mom showed up to help entertain and support us. Senor looked exhausted. He hadn't even had the tripped out drugged up sleep that I'd had. He'd been up all night just worrying. Poor guy.

Then the vomiting resumed. Every time I vomited, Zuul's heart rate dropped, then slowly returned to normal. As the day wore on, though, the vomiting continued, and Zuul stopped recovering so well. By 2 or so in the afternoon, the nurses brought me a phone; it was my doctor. She recommended a c-section. Something is distressing this baby, and they are afraid that if it can't tolerate the vomiting, which mimics the physics of pushing, then the baby most likely won't tolerate pushing very well at all... plus I was still only just over 6cm dilated and the remaining 4cm could take hours and hours. She suggested I discuss it with my husband, but she thought the c-section was the best option we had.

I cried, but Senor and I decided that a c-section would be best. Before we could even inform the nurses of our decision, another bout of vomiting caused Zuul's heart rate to drop so low and stay so low that an alarm on the monitor started to sound. A flood of nurses came in. "We're doing a c-section. Sign this paper. Your doctor is on the way. She will meet us in the operating room." And we were off.

2:50-3:12pm. Though it seemed much faster... They wheeled me off. They pumped up my epidural to completely numb me. They moved me onto the operating table-- very difficult with your lower body turned off. They put up the blue tarp to block my view. The doctors and nurses were very hectic and short with each other. They were in a hurry that started to scare me. "Can you feel that?" they asked, as I felt poking on my belly. "Yes," I said. "If you are not numb in about two minutes, we are going to knock you out entirely." I panicked. I did not want to miss the birth of my child. About a minute later, someone asked, "Can you feel that?" I felt nothing. "No," I said. "Good, because we already started." A brave move, if you ask me. Senor was there, and it felt like about one minute went by... and then I heard, "It's a boy."

There was no crying right away. In fact it was about 30 seconds or so, I think, before he cried. His cord was wrapped twice around his neck very tightly. Every time I vomited (which I continued to do DURING the surgery-- I apologized to the doctors for messing up their operation), it was pushing my little boy down, which was essentially hanging him by his neck. We had an answer.

But then I heard the cries. The most beautiful sound I ever heard. They were higher-pitched and more squeaky than I expected, but it meant he was breathing. I knew we'd be okay. "It's a boy! It's a boy! It's a boy!" I kept shouting. We told them his name, they cleaned him up, and they laid him on my chest. I had a son. I tried to study him, but he was so close to my face that I couldn't really see him very well. He looked at me, though, and he seemed curious and concerned. But he was calm.

After a few minutes, they took Senor and Elliott off to the nursery to make sure everything was okay, and they sewed me up and took me to the recovery room. My mom and dad were there as well as my brother and his fiance. I was really happy, though totally out of it, and I didn't worry too much about the passage of time without seeing my baby. I thought before it all started that I would care if other people got to spend a bunch of time with him before I did, but in the end it wasn't that important. His daddy was with him, and my family was with me, and I knew he'd be brought to me soon.

And then he was. My Elliott. Our Elliott.

So maybe we'll use our birth plan on Baby #2... 'cause NOT ONE thing on it happened.

What can you do?

Holy. Giant. Child. Batman.

2009-04-10T12:30:00.000-07:00

100th percentile in height?!

Damn, Son!

(Don't tell the other moms, but I've actually been knitting a bit. I'm sure there's some kind of mothering thing I should have been doing instead, but it was calling to me. Don't panic, the baby was sleeping soundly, not-- say-- drowning alone in a bathtub or aspirating his own spit up.)

New Wive's Tale

2009-04-09T15:13:00.000-07:00

Hair dye applied during pregnancy can mutate genetics.*

Is this or is this not a red-headed child?

If you click on this photo and make it bigger, you can REALLY see the red. I know it may not last, but I love that it is there now... it means there's a chance!

Oh yeah, Elliott's umbilicial cord stump fell off today!! Yahoo!!!!!

*I am not a medical professional, please do not actually attempt this on your own child. I have performed no studies, and this may just be a coincidence... or is it? ;)

As Though Breast Pumps Aren't Humiliating Enough...

2009-04-03T11:51:00.001-07:00

The ultimate insult: Pumping milk and then dropping the bag on the floor. 10 minutes of pumping yourself like a dairy cow and half of it gone in half a second. I hope Elliott sleeps a bit extra to give me time to remake that half ounce...

A few more photos

2009-04-02T19:31:00.003-07:00

I have written some of the story, but it turns out it's a long story... I'll try to get it up here soon. In the meantime, a few more photos for you.

This photo is optimistically entitled "This isn't so bad". That was only after about 3 hours of labor. I was yet to be sent home from (and return to) the hospital that same night. What the hell did I know?

After 23 hours of labor, here's how we finally got to meet our son. I don't seem too concerned that someone is on the other side of that curtain sewing me up... I remember I just kept shouting, "It's a boy! It's a boy!! It's a boy!!!" And at some point I heard some suspicious extended buzzing and I asked them, "Am I crashing?" It didn't matter that I could still hear my own heartbeat on the monitor at the time... that's because I was on drugs!

Mommy's little Buddah. He must have been in lotus position for the past 9 months, 'cause it comes really naturally now!

Here he is, 4 days old. They change so much in the first few days, don't they?

One week old and he's already bored of us...

Just a little appetizer...

2009-03-29T12:22:00.001-07:00

Here's our little love. Lookin' at you!

This was minutes after being wrestled from mommy's tummy and the two-handed death grip of his umbilical cord (full story to follow one of these days). He doesn't look too worse for the wear.

Sometimes I'm pretty sure he knows what I'm thinking...

It's a Boy!

2009-03-26T10:53:00.000-07:00

We are pleased to announce the arrival of our baby boy!

Elliott Montgomery Strong
He was born at 3:12 p.m. on March 25th, 2009.
He weighs 8 lbs 4 oz and measures 20.5 inches long.

He is healthy and strong, and we are all doing well. We couldn't be happier or more excited to start the next phase of our life as a family of three.

We will post photos as soon as we get a chance.

Thank you all for your love and support!
Yours,
Patrick, Natalie and Elliott.

T plus 2

2009-03-23T17:46:00.000-07:00

No baby. Next appointment tomorrow.

"Role Models" is a funny movie.

T plus 1

2009-03-22T13:56:00.000-07:00

Two contractions in as many days does not a birth story make.

I can't wait to be bendy again. I miss twisting (not the dance). I miss being able to reach my feet. I miss being able to scratch the back of my own leg. I miss being able to eat over a plate without setting the plate on my decolletage. I miss NOT finding crumbs in my cleavage (seriously). I miss sleeping beside Senor instead of beside a body pillow.

We'll keep you posted. When there's something to post...

(I had to edit the title of this post... why did I think that I was two days overdue?)

Things to do when not having a baby...

2009-03-21T13:32:00.000-07:00

Sleep in
Drink Coffee
Listen to iTunes
Eat Grape Nuts
Cross Stitch
Watch 40 Year Old Virgin
Watch Godfather
Fold Laundry
Lie on your Right Side
Lie on your Left Side
Put your feet up to reduce swelling
Check e-mail
Write Blog Post...

Saturday, Shmaturday

2009-03-20T09:57:00.000-07:00

I'm due tomorrow. As of today, not one teeny tiny sign that anything is happening any time soon. After my exam, the doctor even asked if I have ever "had anything done" to my cervix, I guess she meant something that would make it extra durable and resistant to dilation? I don't know what that would be, but the answer is no.

I guess the spicy lamb masala I had for dinner last night didn't work. At least it didn't give me heartburn.

It's gonna be a long weekend!

Alive Woman Walking

2009-03-19T10:38:00.000-07:00

Life is full of potential surprises. The possibility of life-changing events always exists, and each may change your life for the better or for the worse. At any moment a plane could crash through my work window and obliterate me and everything I know. At any moment I could get a phone call delivering wonderful news of some kind. At any moment I could lose someone I love, or someone I love could be creating a brand new life and having fun doing it. Anything can happen, and if you think about it too much, it can truly mess with your mind. We are all walking along our paths toward good and bad and undeniably toward our own deaths, but along the way, we can invite opportunities for the good or the bad that may happen to us.

Senor and I sent out an invitation about 9 months ago, give or take an eternity, and today we walk our path toward our good thing. It will happen. Today, or in two days, or three to be a birthday gift to Auntie NaiveHelga, or in 6 days to be a 60th birthday gift to a new Grandpa, or in 9 to be a relief to a pair of weary dreamers.

Walking this walk is invigorating. Any moment my life could change, even before I reach the end of this sentence. Or the next sentence. Or the next one. Shoot, that's not working. Well anyway, the excitement is undeniable. When will it start? When will the first contraction be? When will I find myself unreasonably stoked to be wearing wet underpants? Which everyday mundane thing will be interrupted by the start of our good thing? When will we all have this baby? It does feel like we are all involved, doesn't it?

It's like walking a green mile toward the beginning of my life.

3 more

2009-03-18T09:46:00.000-07:00

Three more days... before I add 7 and start counting down to my induction. I think this baby is not going anywhere on it's own. And really, who could blame it? If you were getting all the ice cream you want, if you never had to be cold, if you didn't have anything to do all day but stretch and sleep and hiccup lazily, would you risk losing all of that and head out for parts unknown? I wouldn't. I'd stay right where I was, too. Smart baby.

The longer I wait, the more difficult it is to believe that this is really going to happen. I'm starting to get complacent with the status quo (you know, except for the mind-numbing impatience and the 40 trips to the potty a day). I'm starting to notice the things I'll be missing afterward... like it just being me and Senor. I will definitely miss that when our new friend arrives. Like just getting out of the car and walking into the apartment. That's out, for sure. Like going to work without tearing my heart out over the little buddy I have to leave behind. Like ONLY having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Life is good. Perhaps I should stop counting down and start enjoying these last few days...

Aahh, who am I kidding? Come out, come out, wherever you are!

I hope they are right!

2009-03-16T17:41:00.000-07:00

Ultrasound today. 5 days to go. The estimated weight of the baby is 7 lbs. I hope they are right, or at least close. A reasonably petite baby that's neither so big nor so small that we need to worry-- sounds perfect! Which of course it will be.

Also, I have to report that, at least for now, Zuul appears to have my nose. It was going to have a "striking" nose either way, and it still could have both of our noses (bulb and bump), but for now, it appears to take after the Williams side (bulb). For better or worse.

Striking noses make for sturdy personalities, I think. So I can't complain. And if it's SO bad, it CAN be fixed later, should Zuul wish. ;)

I got Nuthin.

2009-03-15T18:51:00.000-07:00

Sorry I slacked.

There's no baby yet.

Anyone else going absolutely INSANE?!

Let's Play

2009-03-12T13:39:00.000-07:00

You fill in the blanks regarding my state as a pregnant woman and our state as an expectant couple. You can either try to go for the real answer or go for comedic effect. There are no physical prizes, but I will give credit to the person with the most correct answers and the person that entertained me the most.

1. Senora says she produces more _____________ than ever before in her life.

2. Every day Senora apologizes to Senor for ___________________________.

3. She knows she shouldn't do it, but nearly every night, Senora spends at least a little bit of time ____________________.

4. Senora says she _______________s everything she touches.

5. Senora recently called her unborn child ____________ because it moves around so much.

6. Senora ______________s as a result of being pregnant. She's embarrassed, but Senor thinks it's cute.

7. Senora most closely relates this song with delivering her child:________________.

8. Senor sings the following song to the baby most often: ______________________.

9. Senora cried when she rearranged her _________________.

10. If the baby is a boy, he will be named _______________; if the baby is a girl, she will be named ___________________.

A Softer Side of Senora

2009-03-11T08:54:00.001-07:00

Okay. I admit it. I've been scary lately. It's only part of the story, of course. There is a soft underbelly (and overbelly, and everywherebelly) that I've been hiding away a bit mostly because I can't afford to cry every time I feel the urge. Which is pretty much all of the time. Crying in joy and disbelief are not, unfortunately, part of my job description here at the dental office, and I fear that if I cry at everything that touches me, I will scare Senor more than he already is.

"All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go..."
I did it. Last night I packed for the hospital. That made me cry. I packed little clothes for a person who is not going on this trip with us but who is coming home with us. I packed clothes for a woman that I haven't met as well, I packed for Mommy, and she will be me... or I will be her, whichever way you look at it. And in most senses, we'll be very similar, but then who knows what amazing things she will know that I don't? And I'm supposed to pack a snack for this Daddy guy, but I haven't met him yet either. What will he want to eat while living by Mommy's hospital bed? Packing was a difficult and mysterious job, which I guess is why I put it off so long... and why it made me cry.

Ooh, I need to pack Daddy a change of clothes, too.

I'm starting to wonder how bright Zuul is. He or she is digging around in there, working hard at what seems to be trying to getting out, but I can't seem to make him or her understand that DOWN is the way to dig, not UP! You'll never get to China that way, kid! I think I was participating in some wishful thinking the other day when I said I thought the baby had dropped. Or if it did drop, it climbed back up... a rather impressive feat if you consider that it climbed up ass first... but not all that productive. Come on, Zuul, help a Mommy out!

I cast on a Shetland Triangle yesterday for working on during labor. It's a theory I have that the Shetland Triangle is the perfect labor knitting-- just complicated enough to keep me focused and interested, but not so difficult that I'll eff it up and end up more stressed out than I would be if I were JUST pushing a kid out of myself. The difficult part about preparing this project was having to stop. I find this pattern incredibly addictive, but I wanted to leave off while the rows are still short enough to have some sense of momentum. I'm using Hand Maiden Casbah in Dandelion. So soft! I'll let you know how the plan works out.

I think that's it for now. Was I less scary? Don't be afraid of me, I'm just going through some stuff and trying to share genuinely, even when it's ugly. But I'm still me, soft side and all.

Psych!

2009-03-10T08:38:00.000-07:00

I missed a day... did you think that day 12 had turned suddenly into day 1?

I wish.

The longer I wait, the more neurotic I am getting.

I am aware that non-pregnant people are unable to say anything right to us pregnant types. They say we're getting so big, we hear "fat". They say we're still so small, we think they're minimizing how huge we feel. They say, "You're still here?" We think, "Well, Jeez, I'm not due for another 11 days! I'm not an invalid!" They say, "All my kids were at least 2 weeks late, so yours probably will be too," we think, "You unholy bitch!"

I know that everyone is just trying to be a part of the magic of the circle of life, and pregnant women are notoriously hyper-sensitive. But people have to realize that we can't say anything right, either. There is no answer that is correct to any of the questions we get asked day in and day out. I say that I'm excited to give birth, I get, "Just you wait until it starts." I say that I'm looking forward to not being pregnant anymore, I get, "Once you've had the baby, you'll wish you were still pregnant."

There must have been a day when I was just the right size, when I had just the right number of weeks to go, when I was glowing without faking it, but I think I failed to notice. And everyone has said all of the wrong things ever since.

So let's get on with it... So that we can start saying all of the wrong things to each other about parenting! ;)

(I'm going to go trade in this half-empty cup for one that's half-full. Of beer.)

Maternity Tour

2009-03-08T19:54:00.000-07:00

Day 13. Today we took the maternity tour at the hospital. There are some places in there that I totally don't want to go. Come on, stretchy parts!!!

And I have to say that, having seen it all, this is definitely happening, it's happening soon, and there are little parts of me that wish I could somehow get out of it (see previously mentioned stretchy parts)...

It's just cold feet. I didn't get them before the wedding, so I guess I'm nearly 3 years overdue. ;)

Yay, babies!

Building a Relationship from a One Night Stand

2009-03-07T08:49:00.000-08:00

It happens in movies and on television all the time-- Hello, Grey's Anatomy has made an entire series based on a series one night stands. Monica and Chandler ended up married after a one night stand, though they did know each other for a while before hand. Julia Roberts and Richard Gere did it at the Reg. Bev. Wil. Even Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl managed to make it work, against all odds.

Generally, though, I would say it's a "romantic" notion used in movies and t.v. to make us feel good about the foolish things we do. Most people I know who've done it when they shouldn't have don't end up in a white dress holding a delightful combination of in-season blooms. They end up frustrated that their McDreamy only calls them at 10pm to come over for some sex and uncomfortable chatter and wants nothing in the way of a relationship. Well, duh, have you heard of Pavlov and his dog? There's a reason my sister-in-law's dog knows how to ring a bell when it needs to go out and do it's business. It's not because it's a ninja, as originally suspected. It's because it's a dog, and it knows how to get what it wants and from whom-- Good dog, Wash.

(While it may seem like I am pinning the bad name on men here, I do realize that it goes the other way quite often. And I also acknowledge that the booty call phenomenon has A LOT to do with the fact that girls GO when called. If we didn't, they wouldn't.)

What I've never thought of until now, on day "14", is that motherhood is exactly this: Building a relationship from a one night stand. The kind of one night stand where no words are even exchanged before this stranger is all up in your business.

Women all over the world, every second of the day, even in the most modest of societies, are putting it all out there in the hope that a solid and loving relationship will develop from this incredibly shameless leap of faith. And the really challenging circumstance is this: It will be YEARS before we know whether it's going to work out or not. Will this baby grow up to be a good one or a bad seed? Will they love us and share their lives with us, or will they put us in a home as soon as we are old enough to collect Social Security? Will we put all of the right things into the relationship to make this stranger appreciate or at least put up with our music, our movies, our cooking, our stupid puns? Will they forgive our missteps and love us anyway, or will they run screaming from our presence as soon as they are old enough?

It's scary, isn't it?

I know I won't be thinking about this that first night when my son or daughter is looking up at me from my bosom, which I will have so willingly laid bare for him or her. I know I will be convinced that it's all going to work out... and most likely it will. I don't think I'll be the kind of mother that my children won't want at their weddings because I ruined their lives. I don't think Senor and I are carriers of the serial killer gene, though perhaps, in hindsight, a bit of extra genetic testing would have been good. And I'm pretty sure that Senor and I are demonstrative enough people to raise children who will know how much they are loved.

But it would be nice to be 100% sure of all of this before all the nudity and spread-eagling, wouldn't it?

Girls and boys, next time you're at a bar thinking, "I could go home with this hotty tonight," make a list of the things you are 100% sure of and think twice... 'cause a one night stand with an attractive stranger, whomever they may be, could result in another kind of one night stand 9 months later. And that stranger will be covered in goo, totally non-verbal, and completely clingy... and they won't go home after they shower.

And you'll love them anyway.

At least, that's the plan.

Just saying.

Nothing to Report

2009-03-06T11:48:00.000-08:00

Day "15"

Just got back from my 38 week doctor's appointment, and after a rather uncomfortable exploration of Zuul's front porch (you can figure that out without my explanation, right?), there is no sign of his or her impending departure. The door is not cracked, it's not even unlocked. The porch light isn't on. Zuul is not yet even checking to make sure all of the essentials are on his/her person (keys, wallet, sunglasses, mail to drop off, check to deposit, knitting project in case there is waiting involved, you know the routine). Zuul is staying home for a few more days at least... most likely. Perhaps if it's a boy, we should name him Phil.*

That's why I've put the 15 in quotation marks. Because it's day 15 if there are 15, or it's day 1 if there is only 1, or it's day 22 if there are going to be up to 22. 22 is the maximum, though; one week past the due date, we induce. March 28th is the latest Zuul will be here. There will be a baby by the end of March. There will not be an April Fool's Day baby.

Still, it would be nice to know that Zuul is at least preparing to leave the house sometime soon. I'm ready to go. Purse on shoulder, shoes on, make-up on, hair done, tapping my foot on the sidewalk by the car, full tank of gas. Come on, Zuul, it's time to go!!

*You know, like the groundhog.

Why Natural Delivery?

2009-03-05T08:18:00.000-08:00

Day 16- "Don't be a martyr."

Martyr: (noun)
1. a person who willingly suffers death rather than renounce his or her religion.
2. a person who is put to death or endures great suffering on behalf of any belief, principle, or cause: a martyr to the cause of social justice.
3. a person who undergoes severe or constant suffering: a martyr to severe headaches.
4. a person who seeks sympathy or attention by feigning or exaggerating pain, deprivation, etc.

There are many arguments for and against delivering a baby without drugs. I have heard them all, or I thought I had, until I finally heard the one last reason to get drugs that no one had yet brought up: to avoid martyrdom, the definition #4 type of martyrdom.

Um, what? I don't... what do you... um, what?

I will not be discussing any of the medical studies for or against epidurals. I will not be discussing any of the political or social issues relating to epidurals. You can read about them; they are everywhere. I am only going to discuss my reasons for wanting to try to go drug free and the one reason I never thought would enter into the equation-- and the one feeling toward a natural delivery that I never thought anyone could possibly have.

As stated, I would like to try going drug free for my delivery. Let me preface my reasons by stating the following: I have no moral objection to epidurals; I do not consider asking for an epidural a failure on any laboring mother's part; if I find that it no longer seems humane to continue my own labor without drugs, I will be asking for an epidural; there is a reason they were invented, and I do not judge those who choose to go that route.

With that said, here are my reasons to try to do without:
- It's a unique opportunity to challenge myself and see what I'm made of.
- It's a chance to use one of my favorite statements: "Look what I did!!!"
- Endorphins, they sound fun.
- Being able to move about during labor; pacing, rocking, walking, running for dear life? Preferable to laying in bed, if you ask me.
- Feeling like myself when I first meet my daughter or son.
- No catheter, nuff said.

When people ask me about it, I give them the above reasons, and they proceed to shoot them down with whichever corresponding counter-arguments they have prepared for me (I think that's why they ask, to tell me what they think, not to hear what I want). But yesterday I got this new interesting one: Don't be a martyr.

Now, I ask you, do you think there are actually women in the world who choose natural labor solely for the purpose of bitching about it later? If it hurts, I plan to say so, but only by way of explaining how proud I am of myself or how relieved I am that it's over, not to garner sympathy or place guilt on anyone. It would simply become part of my life story. "When I was 30, I accomplished this."

The weird thing is that I gave this woman the list of reasons that I listed for you above, I said it in a cheerful and enthusiastic manner, and I even prefaced it by saying that if I need an epidural I will ask for one... and she still warned me not to be a martyr. How did she get that impression of me and my intentions?

Drug free is not a cause for which I am sacrificing myself.

I don't ever plan to hold this temporary pain over my child's head in order to bend them to my will with their guilt. That's what the rest of the pregnancy was for-- Muah-hah-haaa...

I hope to revel in the experience, and I hope that I too will experience the "worst pain you'll ever forget" version of natural childbirth. Or I will learn my lesson. Or I will get an epidural. I won't be commissioning statues in my likeness or building shrines. This is just a part of life that I would like to experience.

I'd also like to experience punching that woman in the neck.

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This

2009-03-04T07:49:00.000-08:00

Day 17

Is it my imagination, or did the baby drop last night? It could be no more than wishful observing, but the belly does seem a bit lower and more tear drop shaped than it did yesterday. And there does seem to be a bit more pressure on my hip joints than there was... Could this be it? The beginning of the end?

Now, don't start waiting for your phone to ring yet, 'cause sometimes the baby drops weeks before labor starts, sometimes days. Sometimes it drops during labor. There's no way to know which case this baby will be until something else starts happening.

So what's next? Here's a list of possible signs that labor might be on it's way:
1. Loss of the mucus plug
2. Nausea
3. Diarrhea
4. Water Breaking
5. Contractions
6. Dilation
7. Effacement
8. Baby on the floorboard of your car.

I'll let you know if I experience any of these (possibly with the exception of #3. That I should keep to myself, I think), but until then, we just keep waiting...

*********

Knitters: Don't despair. There has been knitting. Unfortunately for the blog's purposes, it's secret gift knitting, which is why you have seen neither hide nor hair of it. I can tell you the following: It is a baby blanket. It involves five balls of yarn, and I have completed two of the five so far. It's recipient is not set to arrive on earth until August, so it may be a while before you see it. The reason I have started it now is to save myself time after Zuul gets here. I suspect I may be a bit distracted then. Plus my brother's wedding is in August, so the more work I can get done on said baby's gift now, the better.

In other craft news, I am also cross-stitching a birth announcement for Zuul's nursery. Yes, old-fashioned of me, but when I saw it at Michael's, I couldn't help myself. I knew that I would be remiss in my duties as the mother of this child if I did not make it one of these impossibly cute cross-stitches. I don't think every mother needs to make one at all, but me being me, it is my obligation or I will look back in anger at myself someday for not making one. This I CAN show you photos of, but first I must take some...

This Month

2009-03-03T08:19:00.000-08:00

Holy Crap! This month I will become a parent (sweet Jeebus, I hope it's this month, otherwise I'll be 11 days past my sell-by date). Definitely there will be a baby in no more than 4 1/2 weeks... Can you get your brain around that? And if you can, can you explain it to me? 'Cause I just can't figure it all out!

I know what to do... in theory.

I have everything we'll need... almost.

I've done all the preparations... okay, not really, but the car seat is ready. We'll at least be able to get baby home. I figure that's a good starting point.

I can prevent choking and respiratory arrest... on dolls.

I can diaper and swaddle... a doll.

I can maintain serene relaxation through contractions... fake contractions.

I can achieve the correct latch for breastfeeding... with a doll.

I don't even like dolls, kids. I like them even less now that I had one staring up at me from my boob for two hours last night all plastic-eyed and polyester-lashed.

But what does all of this really mean? I suspect that in a few weeks I may tell you it all means this: Not much. But now I know, and knowing is half the battle, right G.I. Joe?

I bet G.I. Joe didn't have any kids. Not with that confusing smooth part he had in the front there. But he'd never let my kid spray paint a bike in a garage with all of the windows and doors closed, now would he? Perhaps that's all one really needs to be a good parent. Some good cartoons and common sense.

I'll go with that to get me through today, day 18.

Still here

2009-02-27T16:59:00.001-08:00

Still carrying a bellyfull. The latest news is that the baby is head-down facing my right side. It has not dropped yet, but at this point, if things get started, we let them go. 22 days to go. Holy Moly!

Zuul is giving me quite an internal harassing on a daily basis. Last night Zuul's Uncle Taylor and Auntie Ashun got to see Zuul beat mommy from the inside. They were well impressed.

I am all puffed up in the feet and hands. Lovely!

My hip joints feel like they are getting wishboned. Super fun!

This is how nature makes the childbirth process seem like a welcome prospect.

Still here. Still holding on.

Hypothetical Question

2009-02-19T10:35:00.000-08:00

Boys and male relatives, try to refrain from commenting...

What does it mean to "look like the breastfeeding type"?

Just another example of the weird things people say to you when you're pregnant.

Who wants to see some knitting?!

2009-02-13T09:34:00.000-08:00

A new sock for Senor! He declared it the best thing I ever knit. Quite a compliment... except that it means that I might have to suck it up and admit that socks are better on size 1 needles than they are on 2s.

The pattern is Manly Socks by Hannah Six (Ravelry Link). They are free and tres legit! I love the way the first one turned out, and I'm already half way down the leg of the second.

The yarn is Malabrigo sock. Can I get an AMEN?! So silky, so soft, so subtle in it's color. This is colorway "Persia". Very manly!

SUCCESSFUL!!!

Me and Zuul 2/13/09-- 5 weeks to go!!

The 15

2009-02-11T15:44:00.000-08:00

Senor presented me with this project from Facebook, and I enjoyed reading his answers so much that I decided to give it a go myself. I posted Senor's answers at the end of this post, if you are interested in getting to know him a little better (assuming you don't already).

*******************************

Think of 15 albums that had such a profound effect on you they changed your life or the way you looked at it. They sucked you in and took you over for days, weeks, months, years. These are the albums that you can use to identify time, places, people, emotions. These are the albums that no matter what they were thought of musically shaped your world.

Please note that this is not necessarily a "15 All-Time Favorite Albums" list. Some of these would surely be on THAT list, but some would not (and I think you'll see why.) If you want to do a list of favorites, be my guest.

********************************
HERE ARE MY ANSWERS, in roughly autobiographical order:

1. 1988-- Milli Vanilli "All Or Nothing"-- My first boyfriend played "Girl You Know It's True" on the phone for me in 6th grade. I wonder where you are today, Bobby Wolfe... I went out and asked a friend who sang it. "Bobby Brown." So, officially, Bobby Brown's "Don't Be Cruel" was the first album (on cassette, of course) that I ever bought, only to find that "Girl You Know It's True" was not on it. My second cassette, then, was "All Or Nothing", I listened to it a lot. It was the first time music meant something, even though I didn't know what that something was.

2. 1988-- Paula Abdul "Forever Your Girl"-- Hey Baby! You gotta remember!! About the time of this album's release, I discovered that my friends liked music that I had never heard. I hadn't been paying attention. I'd been busy listening to Blue Oyster Cult, The Eagles, and Jethro Tull on my dad's stations. So I embraced "Forever Your Girl" with all the fervor a 10 year old can muster and insisted that the next time my friends demonstrated that they knew all the words to "Cold Hearted Snake", I would be able to sing along. I believe my discovery of this album also marked the first time I really understood that I wasn't quite fitting in.

3. 1990-- Gloria Estefan "Cuts Both Ways"-- My mom loved Gloria. We listened to it driving to and from my new school in 7th grade and beyond. It was the sound of mom's day to drive carpool. I was beginning to discover that love does, indeed, cut both ways.

4. Paul Simon "Graceland"-- It was released in 1986, but I remember it best as the soundtrack of road trips to Lake Havasu with my parents. This album was not in regular circulation, at least the way that I experienced it. It only came out when there was a long way to go. It was the sound of getting away at a time when I was just beginning to appreciate the great relief that comes with getting away and going back to things that have been the same since you were old enough to remember them. And while I haven't been to "The River" in about 15 years, I know that it's exactly the same as we left it, and I can see the expanse of desert stretching out before us every time I hear "Graceland".

5. "Top Gun", the soundtrack-- Another 1986 release (good year!) that didn't make it's way into my life until a bit later, due to adult themes, I suppose. It was really the "Top Gun Anthem" that brought me to this album by way of dance class. My teacher used the anthem every week during warm ups along with the instrumental piece from "Rain Man". My brother has called "Top Gun" the "Breakfast at Tiffany's" of our generation, and I guess that makes the "Top Gun Anthem" our generation's "Moon River"? Yeah, I'd say that's about right.

6. "Dirty Dancing", the soundtrack-- Again, I was too young for the 1987 release of this movie and soundtrack, but by '90 and '91 I was fully obsessed with both. It was the sound of longing. As a dancer and a preteen with no one to love, I was Baby, and I spent many summers wondering why real people don't have summer romances like that. I listened to this on my Walkman while my friends listened to whatever they listened to on their Walkman (We called this hanging out? Even less personal than e-mail, huh?), and we all dreamt that things would happen for us someday... once our acne went away, our hair decided whether it was going to be curly or straight, our boobs grew in, and we started looking good in cut-off jeans and tied up blouses... I never did have a summer romance as good as my romance with this album.

7. Tie: "Footloose" and "Flashdance", the soundtracks-- I came to these movies many years after the soundtracks had already made their places in my life. They played a role similar to "Dirty Dancing", except these two seemed to speak to my young wild side as opposed to my inner heartbroken sadsack. They inspired a level of rebellion that I have still never accomplished, but I can still dream.

8. "RENT", the soundtrack-- Freshman year of college. I didn't like it at first, but my theatre school classmates were OBSESSED to a level that I couldn't resist. I listened to it again, and it began to grow on me. And then it clicked. And I was obsessed, too, though not in all caps like the others. It counteracted the preppy, good girl thing I had going but was busy loathing about myself at that time. By sophomore year I was trying out a little bit of bad girlness (you wouldn't think so if you ever knew a true bad girl, but it was the best I could do), and I wasn't getting any closer to belonging in the Life Cafe. It eventually wore off, and the people who still loved it started to bug me the appropriate amount, but I cannot deny the power of the album that made even Me think that heroin, prostitution, and homelessness were bitchin'!

9. Ozomatli "Ozomatli"-- 1998-- Between my sophomore year at USC and my year in Englad was the summer I worked at Tower Records. I was a college student and sorority girl who spent every night until midnight with stoners and punks and rastas and homies and I loved every minute of it. I was in love with my manager, we were sneaking around, the security guy got pot poisoning from brownies that someone brought in, and I learned to rock it a little harder. Ozomatli came around every three hours or so, and it just made me want to jump. I brought it into a party one night because the party could have used a little more jump, and it got left behind. I have yet to replace it, but I always intend to... I will one day.

10. Frank Sinatra "The Very Best of Frank Sinatra"-- Released in 1997, this two-disc best-of album became a fixture in my life when I went to England to study abroad. I arrived in my dorm room, turned on a radiator for the first time, unpacked my one suit-case and loaded up my discman with the one thing I knew could make me feel at home: Frank. "A Foggy Day in Londontown" was the first song I listened to, and the on-the-noseness made me feel like I understood why I was there, even though now I know I didn't have a clue. Frank's voice filled up that concrete room in a way that no rock or pop could. It was unapologetically American in a way that I couldn't quite dare to be-- yet it was still unoffensive, which I was striving so hard to be. It set a tone for me. I just recently found the second disc, which I thought I had lost long ago, and though I don't listen to it much, I feel such relief that they are there safely in their box if I ever need them.

11. David Grey "White Ladder"-- I was introduced to David Grey by my last boyfriend before we broke up. It sounded as grown-up as he made me feel. It was sophisticated in a way that I wanted to be for him and with him. It filled many a long drive to his apartment and back. It filled many a long wait for him to drive to my apartment (my first apartment by myself!). And then we broke up, and I listened to it even more than ever. Sometimes it helped me recapture the feeling of having him there. Sometimes it expressed the hopelessness I felt without him. And sometimes, though rarely, it made me feel like I might someday have that again with someone. Turns out I did. With him. This album now sounds like sweet surrender, sweet relief, and sweet understanding. When I hear this album now, it sounds like the struggle and triumph that I used to hear in "Dirty Dancing" and "Footloose" and "Flashdance"-- except this time it was MY soundtrack and OUR story instead of someone else's. It's our happy ending because it was also our beginning.

12. White Stripes "White Blood Cells"-- Also brought to me by Senor. It was there alongside David Grey the whole way, only I used this album when I was bein' bad or mad. What's a 23 year old to do when she still lives at home but wants to have her first sleepover with a boy? Lie about a girl's night at Ashley's, of course. And then blast White Stripes the whole way to Senor's. Likewise, when we broke up, this album got blasted when I was mad at him or me or the injustice of it all. Unlike David Grey, though, this album didn't so much come out the other side. Once we got back together, the anger was gone, and then sneaking around was over, and the songs almost made me uncomfortable in the way they reminded me of all that. They got me through one of the most emotionally violent periods in my life, and I love them for it, but I don't like them now interrupting the peace. Well, maybe once in a while...

13. Dar Williams "The Honesty Room"-- Senor gave me this album for Valentine's Day, about 3 days after we got back together. I listened the hell out of this one. I would say it replaced "White Blood Cells". I felt like Dar had been through what I'd been through. It was a grown up and wise sound that perfectly captured the battle-scarred happiness that I was feeling at the time. This album helped soften me up after almost a year of defensiveness and anger. It brought me peace as I went through the sometimes rocky process of introducing my relationship back into the rest of my life.

14. Norah Jones "Come Away With Me"-- Norah filled up all the cracks between the other things I was listening to. This album was like a tranquilizer when my head was too busy; I could sing along and tune out the noise. It provided respite when I was tired of feeling so much. It was a palate cleanser between courses. I could be pretty and nice and regular with Norah when I was feeling anything but. I consider this a monumental triumph.

15. Fleetwood Mac "Rumors"-- I'm a grown-up now. I'm almost certain of it. And this album makes me feel like one. Senor and I listen to it on road trips and I know that I am safe and happy to be going where ever I'm going. This album is the soundtrack of the long journey we're on together, the one that continues on so far that it bends around the horizon and out of sight. This album will always be with us.

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HERE ARE SENOR'S ANSWERS:

So, in rough autobiographical order:

1. The Bangles, "Different Light." What? Hardly a classic album; I don't even own a copy of this anymore. Here's the thing: when I was eleven years old, this was the first record I bought with my own money. I think that suggests that the phenomenon of marketing music based on the taste of pre-teens is not a new phenomenon.

2. Aerosmith, "Pump." If you were a fifteen-year-old American male in 1990, you owned two copies of this (one on CD, one on cassette.) I was OBSESSED with this record (and honestly, had a pretty strong affinity for hair metal in general...so much so that the phenomenon of Nirvana sailed right past me almost unnoticed. I got better.)

3. The Police, "Zenyatta Mondatta." And then came the Sting/Police obsession. As I shook off the after-effects of the hair metal party, my tastes in music got slightly more sophisticated, and I discovered the Police (five years after they broke up.) One of my favorite pastimes in those high school days was lying to my parents about my whereabouts and heading out onto the highways and byways of Michigan to explore, to get away, to feel free. On those trips, this was the tape I listened to most often.

4. The Replacements, "Tim." I can single out a few specific people in my life who have been pivotal in shaping my taste in music (and thereby my life in general.) One such person was this guy Brad who lived in my dorm my freshman year in college. Brad was from Minnesota, and was a 26-year-old sophomore who mostly wore t-shirts with holes in them. Brad introduced me to the concept of "college rock," which now allows me to converse comfortably with people who associate the early '80s more closely with getting vomitted on by Paul Westerberg than they do with getting up early on Saturdays to watch the Smurfs. "Tim" has become a sort of generational shorthand for me, one that says that I can be just as cynical as you. Probably more.

5. Jayhawks, "Tomorrow The Green Grass." This is the sound of a thousand lonely Arkansas nights. If I like Wilco and Ryan Adams today, it's because I liked the Jayhawks in 1996.

6. Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, "The Saint." Remember when electronica was supposed to take over the world? I think we all know how THAT went. Still, this was a very sexy CD for a very unsexy 22-year-old, and I listened to it at the beginning of many evenings that would end as they began: alone in my bedroom, wondering what the hell was wrong with me.

6. Radiohead, "OK Computer." Much has been written about how this is the defining album of my generation, and who am I to disagree? In my life, it's been pretty rare that I would feel in step with the zeitgeist of my peers (alienated, but very definitely alive) and the release of "OK Computer" in 1997 (right around the time I graduated from college) was one of those times. It continues to be the one record to which I most relate on a personal level.)

7, 8 & 9: Beastie Boys, "Hello Nasty"; Velocity Girl, "Simpatico"; XTC, "Upsy Daisy Assortment." These three discs are forever linked together as the soundtrack of my two years in Richmond, Virginia. I was just out of college, working for a childrens' theatre company, and enjoying my first taste of REAL freedom (with its attendant responsibilities/irresponsibilities.) "Intergalactic" will ALWAYS sound like the sidewalk outside my rowhouse on West Main, or Shockoe Bottom on a Saturday night. "I Can't Stop Smiling" will ALWAYS sound like my apartment, where I would dance with joy at the end of a grueling leg of the tour, or like hauling ass up I-95 to see Huddo and Dave in Silver Spring. "Senses Working Overtime" will ALWAYS sound like driving around the south side, trying not to get shot at. Good times.

10. U2, "The Joshua Tree." It's really this simple: if you're taking a road trip with me, you can expect to hear this CD played in its entirety at least once. Leave it to an Irish band to make the best record ever about America. "Running To Stand Still" takes on a whole new meaning when you're moving from Virginia to California and your '86 Nova leaves you stranded in Oklahoma City for three days in the dead of winter.

11. Tie: Elvis Costello, "My Aim Is True," Bruce Springsteen, "Born To Run," Van Morrison, "Moondance," and Crowded House, "Woodface." I've known who these guys were since I was a kid, but before I moved to California and started listening to a now-defunct album oriented rock station called Channel 103.1, I didn't really know or understand their music. Now I do. To me, these four records are what turning into an adult sounds like.

12. David Gray, "White Ladder." Once upon a time, I fell in love with girl to this album. Then, after we broke up, I sat around broken-hearted to this album. Then, we reconciled and found out what true, lifelong love feels like...to this album. We've been married for almost three years, and if I had to single out one record as the soundtrack of our life together, it would be this one.

13. Fleetwood Mac, "Rumours." What can I say? My in-laws are Baby Boomers, and we need something to talk about. (Aw, who am I kidding? I love Lindsey Buckingham.)

14. The Weepies, "Hideaway." This disc is distilled happiness. Every song on it sounds like it was written for the enjoyment of an unborn child, which is rather convenient, seeing as how my wife and I are expecting our first next month. We play the first track, "Can't Go Back Now," to our in-utero kid via headphones all the time (you Obama fans will remember it as the "heartbeat" song from his campaign ads.) Seriously, if you have small children, go buy this CD immediately. Do not read on...

15. Pavement, "Slanted and Enchanted." I've never listened to this CD. Couldn't name one song from it. So, what the hell? Why is it on this list? Once upon a time, I could have said the same thing about "London Calling." Or "Automatic For The People." Or any of the discs I mentioned in #11. Now, they're all cherished favorites. As a music lover, I'm a late bloomer, and I'm still catching up on all the records I'm supposed to have fully absorbed by now. "Slanted and Enchanted" is one of those highly regarded albums that has just slipped past me all these years, and so, it earns a spot on the list as an emblem of what the future (by way of the past) may hold.