Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Senora's Shooting Gallery

There are many proverbs regarding the foolishness of making plans, my favorite being, "Life is what happens while you are making other plans," credited to whoever said it, whom I can't remember. A smart guy, though. (Did I get the whos and whoms correct there? I've lost track.)

It should come as no surprise that I have been making plans for life-after-baby, as any sane mother-to-be does, and as any sane mother-to-be should expect, I also expect most of my plans to get shot all to hell. Because soon baby will rule all, and Plan A will get superseded by Plan D (D for doo doo), and Plan B will then get replaced by Plan A, which still hasn't been done and which will then, again, get replaced by Plan D... at least, this is what I've come to understand from those who've been through it.

But shouldn't one at least have an idea what Plan A is? Otherwise Mommy just sits and waits for Plan D to go into effect, and that's no way to live a life.

So here's my plan for today, while I still have most of the control over which plans get made and then accomplished: Tell you the life-after-baby plans I've been making so that in a few months we can all look back and point and laugh at Senora together.

Air Rifles at the Ready, Drop Your Quarters, Here We Go!

Plan A: Make exercise a part of daily life. If everything else is going to change anyway, why not build in a healthy lifestyle for Mommy as well as baby? Arrange it so that there is no life with baby that doesn't include exercise.


Plan B: Shower. It can't be as difficult as everyone makes it seem to fit in a shower. Organize shower schedule so that every second or (more likely) third day Senor can attend to baby while Mommy does a complete shower and blow dry of hair. In between days, showers are quick and dirty--- er, clean. "Wash the smelly bits," as I like to say. Hair stays relatively nice or at least presentable, making Mommy at least LOOK like everything is going okay. (Please note that Plan B may be seriously affected by effectiveness of Plan A due to the chemical reactions of sweat with naturally curly hair.)

(Pew! P-Pew!!)

Plan C: Get dressed. I can't imagine anyone ever felt like SuperMom while wearing her jammies for the third day in a row. Purchase classic pieces which combine a bit of visual interest with the necessary machine washability to aid in the process. Attempt to look sunny and effortless by putting in the extra effort. Make the other Mommies wonder how I do it.. all, of course, without blowing my budget.

...You should stop laughing before you shoot a gun, even if it is just an air rifle... (Pling!)

Plan D: Doo Doo. Can't avoid this one.

Plan E: Follow the guidelines given by books, classes, friends and relatives to a T (this is also plan T). Somehow get around the fact that these guidelines conflict universally and sometimes grossly. When in doubt, opt for the most paranoid-sounding guideline no matter what said friend or relative says. Times, they are a-changin'...


Plan F: Fail gracefully and with a sense of humor. Realize that baby will end up messed up and demented to his or her own personal degree no matter how well Mommy does with plans and guidelines. Accept inherent faults and inevitable mistakes, do my best, and do not cry... at least not when any one's looking. Enjoy the journey and don't worry that I forgot Tummy Time today, neglected to save the umbilical cord stub, and accidentally used the word "stupid" in front of my child.


Plan G: Knit. Mommy needs and deserves something for herself. Make beautiful things for baby and share art-quality photos of perfect child in perfect handknits on regularly updated blog.


Awww, your quarters just ran out. How many did you shoot down?


amanda said...

In response to plan C: get some cute cardigans and crisp white t-shirts... even if you're wearing yoga pants, a cute cardie and a jaunty scarf around the neck make you look like you made an effort.

Anonymous said...

Here's another one to add to your planning... ensuring that every photo is put in an album and labeled.

(By the way, have I told you that am THIRTEEN months behind in printing out photos?!)
-ash :)