Thursday, June 28, 2007


Hey all you yarnies! Go check out Noteworthy Knits' contest for free yarn. It's a super easy one, a "Just Show Up" kind of contest. (I'll pretend I don't know that I'm just encouraging you to go reduce my odds of winning) Of course, it would be nice if you take a browse through the posts as well. There's some good stuff there! Thanks Noteworthy Knits!!

Noteworthy Knits

So. How about some knitting updates? Since the finishing of a major project, I am sewing my wilds oats a bit.


Close-up of OAT stitch pattern.

This is the Spiral Lace Capelet from Wrap Style. I enjoy this stitch pattern because it's easy to remember, and I don't have to pay too much attention. It does seem to grow VERY slowly, though. I also bothered to calculate the yards of yarn per round: 3.5. This is fun for the Stashalong progress, as I am going for pure yard reduction.


Started and finished the first one quite some time ago. The second has been taking a backseat, BUT. BUT. Now that I near the second heel flap, the acceleration begins to take hold. Zoom Zoom Zoom.

Note: When I was a smoker (oh don't act so shocked), my co-worker and I had a code for when it was time to go have a cig. She'd peer over my cubicle wall and whisper, "Zoom Zoom," just like the kid in the commercial. It wasn't a code we discussed. It just happened that way one day. So I'd sit all day and wait for those two magic words. Zoom Zoom. Hey, man, I was really addicted. The commercial still makes me want to smoke. Right on, Mazda. Those were the good old days.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007


The Sleeveless Tuxedo Shirt
Summer IK 2007
Yarn: Elann Lara (yuck!)
Size 3 Addi Turbos

I don't know if this yarn would be easier to work with on bigger needles, but on size 3s it was pretty dismal. I had to concentrate much too hard on the stockinette, and as for the lace panels, my teeny tiny crochet hook saved my life on the decrease stitches, especially p2togtbl, of which there are quite a few. I think I have enough yarn left to make a baby item of some kind, but I'll probably give myself a break for a while.

This knit was a bit of a gut effort, but I don't think it would have been if it weren't for the yarn. There is a lot of crochet involved, and not being too adept at crochet, it slowed me down a bit... but again here, so did the yarn. It wasn't any easier to crochet than it was to knit.

Oh yeah, and I did a lot of the crochet wrong. I discovered it too late, after then ends had been woven in. Fortunately, it looks cool anyway, so it didn't throw me into too much of a depression.

As for fit. I chose the correct size. Any smaller and the buttons would pop open (they many anyway, but that is due to button loop inconsistencies). This tank just doesn't strike me as a stand-alone piece. The layered look is best, I think. There's just a little wavy, bagginess around the edge of the armholes, a little narrowness between the two straps (makes me look like a scary hulky swimmer), a little curl under at the hem... it all adds up to Not Quite Right.

And yet, I'm still thrilled that I finished it. I stayed focussed, and I got it done before receiving the next IK. That's pretty good. It took less than a month.

Now, onto bigger and better fitting things! :)

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Nose to the Grindstone

The Sleeveless Tuxedo Shirt from Summer 07 IK... It's not an inspiring knit so far. Upon finishing the back, I didn't have that, "Wow, look how cool, it's part of a piece of clothing!" feeling that I got with the Ruffled Surplice. And when I lay it out, it looks like a mess because of the rolling (one way on the sides, the other way on the ends), but this is not why we knit this piece.

We knit it for the lace panels on the chest and shoulders. We knit and we knit and we knit for the privilege of getting to work that lace. Man, I hope it's worth it. Here's my progress on the front piece:

Are you impressed? Yeah, I didn't think so.

One thing about the yarn, Lara by Elann, weird gappy spots that happen for absolutely no apparent reason. I checked the back of this spot... there's nothing wrong here. So why does one row turn out all Hobbitty and the other all tall and V-of-Deathy?!

Man, the lace has a LOT to make up for.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Friend of a Gay

I don't know what the deal is, friends, but I seem to find myself suddenly a receptacle for anti-gay sentiments from a couple of the patients here at the dental office.

Yesterday, one of our elderly ladies took a moment while her driver was outside to inform me that he is "A Gay", but that he's doing a good job anyway.

What a friend of a Gay to say? "Well, ma'am, they are still nice people, even if they are a little different from us."

"Are you one?" She asked me.

"No, ma'am, I have a husband."

"Well, that doesn't necessarily mean much." Indeed. Well. I politely explained that I love my husband very much, but that I have been asked if I was "one" before.

It was all a bit overwhelming, but she is 89, and she was complimenting her driver, albeit back-handedly. I let it pass. No use instructing an 89 year old in political correctness, especially since she was doing her best to be discreet.

When she was finished with her appointment, a bit early, she came out into the waiting area to find that her driver was still out running an errand because we had told him she'd be done a little later. She expressed her concern that he might have gone out and run off with someone and forgotten about her, you know, since he's a gay.

"I'm sure he's coming back for you, ma'am." Talk about paranoid. I did want to inform her that he is not a gay; he is gay. And his shoes were fabulous.

That brings us to today.

Today, a particularly swishy patient who claims to be straight (though I have never believed him), wanted to talk to me about the "boy toys" in West Hollywood, asked me if I've been to the Gay Pride Parade, and then used a rather offensive nickname, which I will not repeat here on this blog, in reference to the Catholic priests and their alleged misconduct. I am not for said misconduct, but I do take issue with his lumping the humpings of pedophilic priests in with the behavior of the general gay population. This man did make sure to check that I wasn't Catholic before telling the story, of course, but he did not check to see if I was a friend of the gay community, which he knows I am. (He didn't use the "f" name, for those who are wondering, but a much more juvenile two word name starting with two Rs)

What's a receptionist to do? I think he thought I would think it was clever or funny, because I know he knows I'm in theater and therefor friendly with homosexuals. I just didn't think it was funny. Perhaps because he was not referring to his good friends the "R.R."s but the dirty child molester R.R.s.

I didn't know what to say. I kept trying to get him to schedule his appointment and leave. To no avail. He thought we were having a good time.

What is going on, people?! I don't want to hear this stuff!!! A dental office is not the place to correct the prejudices of our clients. It is my job to make them want to come back, not to make them feel like the jackasses they are.

I'm exhausted. To all the Gays I've loved before, I'm sorry there are people like that out there. They suck!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

On Forgiving Yourself

As someone whom I've decided must have integrity, I tend to carry a lot of guilt. Things that I know are wrong, I basically don't do. I mean big things. I do on occasion throw away a recyclable or wear brown shoes with a black belt or dye my hair before the recommended 6 week limit. But the big bad things I don't do. And for others, I do big good things.

But for me? I never do THE big good thing. I am not a healthy machine.

As someone who enjoys a drink, I have often seen the "Are you sure you're not an alcoholic?" question run through my head. The answer is Yes, I'm sure. There is an addiction that far surpasses my interest in alcohol, and that is food. I have a codependent relationship with my fridge, and I cannot identify the flash point of the affair.

There is no purging going on, for those who might be concerned about that, and it's not a case of driving through McDonald's and ordering food for four and then parking and eating and crying. Of course, I mean no disrespect to those out there who are tormented by food to that extent. I don't know how they feel, but I often think that the two experiences are not all that different.

I'm a sneaker. I've discovered how to eat without thinking, so I really never have to take responsibility for the total intake. I sneak from myself and others. At restaurants, I look at the menu to find the most indulgent, largest portioned meal that I feel I can order without causing questionable looks from my dining partners. It's a game or a challenge. It's a desperation to get something that I'll never feel like I have... whatever it is...

I'm not sure why I've felt compelled to write about this in particular today. It has something to do with eating while feeling guilty about not blogging. Seriously, a stressor as small as knowing that I haven't blogged in a few days can be the thing that makes me refill my bowl of chocolate chips, which is the perfect solution to avoiding a task you've already avoided too long (many small bites, many trips to the mouth, it takes a long time, it's a process-- you can see how smoking fit so nicely). So I am breaking the silence with a confession. I have eaten because I have not kept up my bargain with you fine people to whom I love to reach out. That is not okay. I want ours to be a healthy relationship. I want to forgive myself for missing a week or two of posting.

I haven't posted because I don't find myself particularly interesting right now. I've lost track of my personal identity over the last week or two. I've done some cool stuff, for sure, and as Senor has requested, I will write a post my thoughts about the Lindsey Buckingham concert soon. I've knitted some cool stuff, too. I've seen a few friends. Nothing has been bad, but I feel as though I am operating in Survival Mode-- just get through this day, tomorrow will be better. And it's not the activities or the people or the relationships that need to be better. You are all doing very well by me. It's me that needs to get better.

I heard somewhere that food is like a friend. For some it is a good friend, one who nourishes them and gives them energy and makes them feel good. Not for me. For me it a friend who punishes me and drags me down and insults me and makes me hate it and need it at the same time. To me, food is that friend that makes you forget why you liked them in the first place. I have people-friends like this, too. I am sure that an expensive private practice therapist could tell me the connection. But I wish that I could figure it out for myself. I don't feel that I'll be able to break my habits without an answer to this question, at least not for very long.

I'm so tired, people. I've been in bed with this thought pattern for so long that I don't even know how to end this post. I don't know if I'm asking for help or advice or just understanding or a clean conscience or a person who knows how this feels... Or just to get it outside myself. To make it not a secret anymore.

I do promise this: My next post will not be such a downer. But sometimes you just have to admit that you're human. I pretend not to be human, like I am above all that humanity crap. I don't need to pretend, though, right? You're all human, too, right? Flaws and all, there shouldn't be any need to be better than human, and yet it seems to be expected of us all.

It's hard to feel like the only one.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Not Knitting

Please don't take this to mean that I am "not knitting." I am. But it's all pretty dull as far as showing off goes, so I am holding off on the showing off until I have at least a larger amount of dullness to show.

Today I want to ask a question: Do you know what integrity is?

A friend of mine recently said that his favorite quality in his fiance is her integrity. The entire bridal shower went Awwwwww! the way only a group of women high on mimosas and matrimony can. I did, too. But I think I awwwwed at the fact that this man named such an unusual trait and had obviously put some thought into his answer. (Coulda said she was hot. Coulda said funny. Coulda said a lot of things. Didn't.) I was impressed... but later I realized that I wasn't sure why I was impressed. What is integrity, anyway?

I'm not an idiot, I sorta get it. It's about doing the right thing and being consistent about it. Something about being yourself. Sorta. Right? (Incidentally, I was never quizzed on this word for my SATs. Maybe I'd have gotten into Yale if I had...)

But I've never thought to myself, "Self, you have integrity!" or "Self, you're a little short in the integrity department." It's not a word I identify with in regards to myself. Am I honest? Yes. To peoples' faces? Usually (if asked). Am I funny? I think so (seriously, I'm hilarious). Am I humble? Obviously. Am I forgiving? To a fault. I'm a lot of good things. But am I... integrious? Integrish? Integrated? What is the adjective version of this mysterious word?!

I am not asking you to tell me if you think I have integrity. I think it might be something I need to identify in myself in order to believe you anyway. I want to know what you think integrity IS. And do you think YOU have it? Is it something you ever thought of at all?

What is integrity to you?