Monday, November 02, 2009

Each Foot Down a Rabbit Hole

The only thing that may keep me from falling headlong into either hole is the presence of the other.

1) NaNoWriMo: National Novel Writing Month. 50,000 words in 30 days. Word count so far: 2011 words. I am currently current on my daily word count. That's a good way to start. Working title of my 2010 novel: Hindsight. "If the quest for the Future was preventing the possibility of any future, your only refuge is the Past."

2) Spinning. That's right kids. I decided to try spinning. Our knitting group attended a local fiber festival yesterday, and I found that I was not attracted to the yarn (I have lots of exciting yarn at home). I was drawn to the unspun fiber. I've been thinking about trying it, but I have feared the potential of my going overboard and filling my home with piles of fiber bigger than my pre-existing piles of yarn. But since I have just started, I still have the power of not going overboard. Buy it. Spin it. Buy another. Spin that. One at a time. Single file. I bought. I spun. I sucked but it is unquestionably yarn.

I bought some more to practice on. It was on sale, it's predrafted (I think that the drafting was the main source of my sucking), and it's just to see if I truly like spinning. So far, I can't be certain. I guess I had a silent lurking dream that I was going to be magically delicious at spinning. I didn't know the dream was there until it was dashed. Now I have to see if I can conjure up a knack for it out of good old fashioned practice and determination.

After I write my words for the day.

Saturday, October 24, 2009


Elliott cut his first two teeth on Friday. His bottom two front teeth. What a big boy!

Photos of the teeth to come, if we are ever able to get one.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Monday, October 12, 2009

What's it Worth?

Two pounds. What are they worth?

It's no secret: I gained a lot of weight with my pregnancy. 60 pounds. I ought to have given birth to a 6 year old by that account, but that's neither here nor there.

Except why are these two pounds here AND there? Don't get me wrong, these are not the last of the 60. Oh no, children. These are the two I swore to lose by my birthday. These are the last two before I'm back in the hundreds. These are the last two pounds before I say, "Okay, now 12 more to go to get back to a weight where I wasn't that happy to begin with." These are the last two before I no longer have my own weight category in our local 10K (I did not do the 200+ category any favors. Senor, Elliott and I only beat 17 people total. We almost LOST a 10K. I thought that honor was reserved for arthritic seniors. We only beat a couple of pregnant ladies and their pregnant friends and three middle aged Dead fans. Granted, we were carrying an 18 pound baby around...).

When I put it this way, these two pounds seem so insignificant in my grand scheme that I don't know why they bother me. THESE shouldn't be the two that bother me. These two land in the middle of the marathon. If you're running 26 miles, you don't sweat mile 12 and 13... Well, you do, but really, you have so much farther to go that hopefully you can put your head down and let them pass relatively unnoticed.

And while we're at it, what is a birthday worth? Birthdays, New Years, Mondays... why do we allow ourselves to create deadlines that, if/when not met, make us feel MORE badly about ourselves? Is it because, without a deadline, we are less likely to complete the task? Is it because we know we would enjoy the landmark day so much more if only we could rid ourselves of these two little things that bother us and make us feel unworthy? Is it merely to avoid having to try to complete the task today? A noble-sounding way of saying "maybe tomorrow"?

The trouble is that now, with my birthday less than a week away, not only will I feel badly about the pounds not lost, I will also feel badly about not reaching the deadline. Double the shame, double the fun.

I don't deserve it. I have lost 46 pounds in six months. That's great! It should feel great. I wish it did.

Tell me, why are two pounds worth more 46?

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Pilot Out

I know that I'm going to sound like an extraordinary wimp, but it's 65 degrees in our apartment and our heater's pilot is out. Poor Elliott's hands and ears are like ice. I called the gas company and they can't come light the pilot until Thursday-- Brrrrrr...

I know. Some of you have snow. But as a native Southern Californian, I am not made of the right stuff to tolerate this. I suspect Elliott is not either.

But it is a good reason to bring out the hand knits! Elliott's grandma knit him this:

It finally fits!

It's the Provence Baby Sweater by Cecily Glowik MacDonald. So cute!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009


(I know, I know, where have I been? The walking, flossing, and moisturizing have continued for the most part. The push-ups and crunches... not so much. And well, obviously, the blog posting has seriously fallen off... but that's not why I'm here, check this out:)

I just got. In the mail. A personalized signed copy of Jared Flood's pattern booklet "Made in Brooklyn"!! Thank you, Barbara!!!! This is so cool! I've had my eye on a number of these patterns, and I was planning to pay for them individually on Ravelry, but now I have them ALL! Willoughby, here I come.

Thank you so much, Barbara, this is an amazingly thoughtful and surprising kick off to birthday season! I forgot that my birthday was coming up at all. I hadn't forgotten that I'd be turning 31 soon, but I forgot that that means it's my Birthday-- it's not all wrinkles and sagging. It's also fun and gifts.

Thank you for reminding me!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


1. Floss my teeth- Yes.
2. Take a walk- Yes.
3. Read- Coming up...
4. Write down what I eat- No.
5. Stretch- No.
6. Moisturize- Hands and feet.
7. Clean out/organize/de-clutter: Finish WiP, Organized Elliott's toy bag
8. 10 push-ups- No.
9. Crunches- No.
10. Write a blog post to hold myself accountable- Hello.

Tone Correction: 6/31

It should have said something more along the lines of this:

I was too busy having a great time with my best friend, who's been living thousands of miles away for a long long time, to worry about trivial things like push-ups. The academic endeavor of doing certain things 31 times in 31 days was a wash, yes, but the day itself was most certainly not.

I am sorry that the tone was as academic as the endeavor. The visit with you, my dear friend, was neither academic nor trivial.

My sincere and public apologies.

Monday, September 21, 2009


1. Floss my teeth- Yes.
2. Take a walk- Nope.
3. Read- I plan to.
4. Write down what I eat- Yes.
5. Stretch- Yes.
6. Moisturize- Hands and feet.
7. Clean out/organize/de-clutter: I worked on a WiP, that's sorta like decluttering...
8. 10 push-ups- Yes.
9. Crunches- Yes.
10. Write a blog post to hold myself accountable- Goodnight.

Sunday, September 20, 2009


Today was a bit of a wash. I have an out of town guest from overseas... and I let it slide a bit...

1. Floss my teeth- Yes, I still did this.
2. Take a walk- Does mall cruising count?
3. Read- I might...
4. Write down what I eat- Yes, I still did this.
5. Stretch- Nope.
6. Moisturize- Hands and feet.
7. Clean out/organize/de-clutter: Yes, a little this morning in preparation.
8. 10 push-ups- Nope.
9. Crunches- Nope.
10. Write a blog post to hold myself accountable- Yes, I still showed up, in spite of my epic fail.

Saturday, September 19, 2009


1. Floss my teeth- Yes.
2. Take a walk- Enjoying the cool weather down here near the beach.
3. Read- Looking forward to it.
4. Write down what I eat- Yep.
5. Stretch- Man, it hurts.
6. Moisturize- Hands and feet.
7. Clean out/organize/de-clutter: Much cleaning and organizing today.
8. 10 push-ups- Yes.
9. Crunches- Yes.
10. Write a blog post to hold myself accountable- Cheers.

Here's a little look at a project I knocked down in two days (not consecutive days, though):

It's the toadstool rattle pattern... but I made it into an ice cream cone. It's a gift for a little baby girl due in December. I hope she loves it.

And here are a few photos to show you what we've been doing around here:

This one above is Elliott supporting himself on the sofa cushion... standing up unsupported by Mommy or Daddy. He didn't pull himself up entirely by himself, but he stayed up and turned his back on the poor performance of his mighty Trojans all by himself.

Friday, September 18, 2009


1. Floss my teeth- Yes.
2. Take a walk- Yes, this evening. Didn't let it go by. I went out and did it. Senor and Elliott went with me.
3. Read- I'll give you a page or two, that's all I've got.
4. Write down what I eat- Did it.
5. Stretch- While waiting at the pediatricians... No, in the private room while Elliott played in his car seat.
6. Moisturize- Face.
7. Clean out/organize/de-clutter: Failed.
8. 10 push-ups- Did it.
9. Crunches- Did it.
10. Write a blog post to hold myself accountable- I'm here, but not for long. Soon I'll be in bed. I haven't slept much in days.

It wasn't teething. It was an earache. We've been up every hour most of the night three nights in a row. I'm going to bed. Now we've got medication. Perhaps we shall sleep tonight... or soon...

Thursday, September 17, 2009


1. Floss my teeth- Minty fresh.
2. Take a walk- 30 minutes AM, 30 minutes PM-- take that, 30!!!
3. Read- Looking forward to it.
4. Write down what I eat- You got it.
5. Stretch- Man, I am NOT flexible anymore.
6. Moisturize- Back, face.
7. Clean out/organize/de-clutter: Dumped all the trashes in the house.
8. 10 push-ups- You should see my mommy guns.
9. Crunches- J-E-L-L-O.
10. Write a blog post to hold myself accountable- Off to bed. Goodnight.

I think my little sweetie is teething. Here is a shot from brighter days.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


1. Floss my teeth- Did it.
2. Take a walk- 35 Minutes on my lunch hour
3. Read- Coming up next...
4. Write down what I eat- Did it.
5. Stretch- Did it.
6. Moisturize- Feet, arms, face.
7. Clean out/organize/de-clutter: Refold and stack towel closet.
8. 10 push-ups- Did it.
9. Crunches- Did it.
10. Write a blogpost to hold myself accountable- Hi, howya doin'?

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Day One

1. Floss my teeth- Check!
2. Take a walk- 30 Minutes! Elliott played with the toadstool I knit for him (see below)
3. Read- when I go to bed...
4. Write down what I eat- Yep.
5. Stretch- Yep.
6. Moisturize- Face, Feet, Elbows.
7. Clean out/organize/de-clutter: Cupboard above the trash can closet.
8. 10 push-ups- Check!
9. Crunches- Check!
10. Write a blogpost to hold myself accountable- You're lookin' at it.

Feelin' good.

Toadstool Baby Rattle by The Purl Bee
A one day project!

31 in 31 Days

Have you ever completed the sentence: I wish I was the kind of person who...?

It's a self-depricating game I play a lot, a way of saying to me, "You're doing pretty well, but you don't do [fill in the blank], so you could be better." I don't mean to do it, and perhaps that's why it's so destructive. It's aimless. It's not played with the intention of correcting the perceived problems; it's just an exercise.

I came to the realization this morning that in 31 days I'll be 31 years old. The year 30 has slipped away quickly, much of it spent at the mercy of my new little friend, and I feel that in order to do the best for him, I have let some things slip. Many of these things complete the sentence I wish I was the kind of person who... And now I am facing a deadline. By 31 years old, I should be able to manage some of these simple things that would bring me closer to being the kind of person I wish I were.

In the spirit of self-improvement and aging gracefully, here are 10 things I'll attempt to do 31 times in 31 days.

1. Floss my teeth
2. Take a walk
3. Read
4. Write down what I eat
5. Stretch
6. Moisturize (I'm getting old, after all)
7. Clean out/organize/de-clutter something
8. 10 push-ups
9. Crunches
10. Write a blogpost to hold myself accountable

And that means I'll be back later...

Monday, September 14, 2009

Thursday, September 10, 2009


My second Shetland Triangle is blocking... It only took me 5 and a half months... Not a lot of floor space these days, what with all of the exersaucers and whatnot...

I can't wait to show it to you...

And I can't wait for a reason to wear it... like even the slightest hint of a breeze.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Back to Business

Hello all! I've been busy and distracted, and I apologize for letting you all sit idle for so so long. Here's a quick post to get things going again.

On August 8th my brother got married- Hoorah, Mr. and Mrs. Brother!

(left to right: My mom, Mr. Brother, Mrs. Brother, Me, Elliott, Senor, and my dad)

Senor and I were both in the wedding party, and Elliott got to be there for part of the festivities as well. So of course, as any good knitting mom would do, I decided that he would have to have a new outfit and I would have to make it for him. I knit furiously for two weeks to get it done in time, and I was sewing in ends and waistbands the morning of the wedding. Here it is:

Cargo by Brynne Sutton
sans pockets (dressier that way)
Tahki Cotton Classic in a beige colorway (don't have the number handy)
I used a headband for the waistband. Just double up and stitch part of it and sew it in place. It worked really well, and I suppose there's a possibility of letting it back out if it could be extracted from the hem... of course that is limited by the stretchiness of the stockinette.


Owl Baby Vest by Jodi Haraldson
sans eyeball buttons (dressier that way)
Cascade Venezia in black

I realize that you can't even tell the owl cables are on that black vest, so here's another photo where you can see them better:

So there you go. I've finally gotten the baby boy knitting mojo. I am currently working on a nice lettuce green Waffles for the boy. Lettuce green because it could also be worn by future brother or sister... whenever they might come along. Don't get any ideas. Please. Let's get this one a little farther along first...

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Joys of Motherhood

It's difficult to explain the joy of motherhood. It's difficult to capture the sweetness of a cuddle, the way the baby kneads your arm as he falls asleep, the tender way he looks at you that makes you know you're his mommy. So instead we capture the comic.

And when you walk in to get your baby in the morning and find this:

... you just know that this parenthood thing is going to be a good time!

Though I think it's a bit early to start rebelling... What To Expect said they don't usually start that until 6 months old...

Monday, June 22, 2009

Knitting Content!

So. After Elliott was born I started another Barn Raising Quilt. I can't help myself. It's perfect baby knitting. Here's what I have so far:

Clockwise starting in the top left corner: Handmaiden Casbah in Dandelion, Malabrigo sock yarn in Indeicita, Socks that Rock Mediumweight in Koi Koi, Classic Merino Superwash sock yarn in Pink Grapefruit, Dream in Color Smooshy in In Vino Veritas, Shibui sock yarn in Bark, and Dream in Color Smooshy in Black Parade. I'm not sure whether the colors in the top photo (with flash) or the bottom (without flash) are more accurate, so you get both.

So far I have the following yarns to add to it:

Malabrigo sock in Ochre (mine is more chartreusey)

Dream in Color Smooshy in Cloud Jungle (mine is more grey, fewer color streaks)

and Artyarns Ultramerino 4 in colorway 127.

Elliott is intrigued by the prospect of this project:

I hope Mommy lets me chew on this next one...

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Worldwide Knit in Public Day

I couldn't make it to my knitting group's knit out on June 13th because we had relatives in town, but I knitted in public anyway (knitted?).

Monday, June 08, 2009

It's Just Too Good To Be True

Living in Los Angeles, as we do, and having been theater people, as we were, Senor and I come into contact with celebrities on occasion. We created a phrase to describe our lifestyle: Celebrity Adjacent. That basically means that we are friends with people who associate with celebrities on a daily basis, and thus we sometimes get included in a social or business event that brings us into the celebrity world. Celebrity Adjacent.

But there's another type of public figure association that's beginning to crop up more and more. Having been a theater student at USC, having done local theater in and around Los Angeles, I've met A LOT of actor-types. Senor has likewise. Some of you who read this blog have as well. And while none of us are household faces, some of our friends and acquaintances are beginning to be. So I wanted to do a shout out to those friends and acquaintances of ours who are making good.

Starting with the most recent... Last night I stumbled across the broadcast of the 2009 Tony Awards right at the end, just as the cast of "Hair" was finishing their performance. Since I haven't seen most of the shows, not having been in New York basically ever, I don't really care who wins what award, but I do like to watch for the song and dance numbers. So I left it on. At that point, there was just one performance left, and it was a tribute to "Jersey Boys". The medley featured five different guys who play Frankie Valli in various current major productions. The lights dimmed and a spotlight came up on a former cast mate and friend of mine. Mr. Joe Bwarie has done what, for me, was the impossible. He's gone from playing a supporting role in a local production of "West Side Story" to performing on the Tony Awards. I am so happy for him! He's in the Ontario cast of "Jersey Boys", apparently, and there he was looking all dapper and legit on my television. Nice one, my friend! It might be enough to get me to join Facebook in order to look you up and congratulate you... maybe...

From the same production of "West Side Story", I have the pleasure of knowing and having worked with a man you may know as Mr. Electricity.

I also saw John Hemphill, unexpectedly, in "Zodiac" with Jake Gillenhall. I'm keeping my eye out for you, Riff!

And again, from "West Side Story", my old friend Rachael Lawrence, who was recently seen in the series "I Hate My 30s". Very funny!
Also occasionally appearing on "I Hate my 30s", someone that I went to USC with (though he probably didn't know who I was), and someone with whom Senor has worked, Michael Cornacchia.

I also know the girl who sniffed a shoe in a credit card commercial, played God on "Joan of Arcadia" and might have killed someone on an episode of "Cold Case"... Mageina Tovah.

And I know the girl in the Citibank commercial who goes running next to her husband's car because she doesn't have an mp3 player.

I'm feeling pretty good when I turn on my t.v. these days. Perhaps I'll see YOU next...

Saturday, May 30, 2009

The Biggest Loser Swap Spoils... so far!

From grannyfaye, I received a kit for a posey pillow from It includes a skein of Araucania Nature Cotton, buttons, a piece of quilt for the applique flowers, a pattern, and some chocolate lip balm. Yum!

From knit1kids2, I got a vibrant skein of Sereknity sock yarn in a colorway called Macintosh-- I assume it's named for the apples-- it's fun to knit and good for you, too. :) It also included a pattern for a scarf that would work for the yarn. A mystery pattern... wonder what it will look like?

From knitster58, I received a wonderful package of goodies! It came in a really cool project bag, perfect for a small, portable project like a sock, and it included a skein of regia surf color sock yarn in a really juicy red and coral colorway, some nailpolish, tangerine and apple lip gloss, two notepads, some notecards, and what appear to be some handmade pearl stitch markers-- knitster58, did you make those yourself? Love it all!

MaybeeSomeday got me an on-line gift certificate to I used it to purchase a skein of sock yarn in a colorway called Pink Grapefruit. It is so squishy and bright. I love it!

And from trueblonde, I received an on-line gift certificate to, which was used to get a skein of Socks that Rock Mediumweight in the colorway Koi Koi. It is hard to beat Blue Moon colorways and I had a really hard time choosing. I was not disappointed in my choice. So pretty!

That's my booty so far. Thank you everyone. I am having the best time contemplating projects, though I suspect a lot if not all of the sock yarn will end up contributing to a second Barn Raising Quilt. I can't help myself-- it's a totally addictive pattern!

Monday, May 18, 2009

A Little Gem

Elliott's been trying to find his voice lately... it's really cute, but it's so far elluded capture on film. However, I did capture THIS:

Finished a Book

I've actually finished reading two books in the past 8 weeks... that seems like a lot for a new mother to have gotten through. In all fairness, though, I started both before Elliott was born.

One was "Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay and other things I had to learn as a new mom" by Stefanie Wilder-Taylor. I recommend it for Mommy types. But only if you have a sense of humor about your status as a mommy. If you take it very seriously, if it is sacrosanct, you may not like it. But I found its irreverence perfect for me.

The other was the Yarn Harlot's most recent book "Free Range Knitter". Excellent for you knitter types, and especially for you breast-feeding knitter types. It was the perfect book for middle of the night feedings. Thank you, Yarn Harlot, for getting me through the first 52 nights of being awake when I used to be asleep.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Get some!

I can't believe he's almost 2 months old! I can't believe how I much personality such a small person can have!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Two pieces of news

One-- I won the Biggest Loser pool that I joined on Ravelry!!! When I was assigned the pink team I had my doubts. Not because I didn't think that Helen or Shannen could do it, but because I couldn't imagine that there would be not only a third female Biggest Loser in a row, but also a third pink team Biggest Loser in a row... it seemed much too far-fetched. Alas, Helen and I prevailed!!! Now I get yarn (or gift certificates for yarn) from all of the other knitters in my swap... one knitter for each color. How many colors were there? I didn't bother to count, but I think it was 10 total... Yippee!!

Two-- I don't know when something like this becomes official, probably around the time of the first "Where's my blankie?!" tantrum... but I think Elliott may have declared his eternal blanket love for the grey pinwheel blanket I knit for him!!! Is it too early at 7 weeks old to make that kind of commitment? Probably, but all I can say is that he responds to it with smiling and cuddling in a way that he doesn't respond to anything else in his small sphere of life... not even me or his daddy. As the knitter of the beloved item I find this almost more gratifying than I do as the mother of the beloving child. :)

Monday, May 11, 2009

The Great Debate

I keep getting asked two questions about being a mother to a boy:

Has he peed in your mouth yet?

Has he peed in your eye yet?

The answer to both questions is: Not yet. Apparently these two things are unavoidable, so I will not hope to avoid them. They seem to be everyone's worst case scenario... which makes me wonder: Which is actually worse? Anyone experienced both? While I dare not hope to avoid them both entirely, perhaps I can avoid one of them and never truly know... is it worse to get peed in the eye or the mouth?

Happy Mother's Day!!

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Baby Boy Essential #1

(Insert Harlem Globetrotters music)

I had to make this for Elliott. It is specially designed NOT to come off. Of course, this design element is subject to testing, which will probably not occur until sock #2 has been completed. They are knee-high and totally rad. If I do say so myself... and I do.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Life's little miracles!

Elliott is smiling! Wow, it feels amazing to know that someone is in there!! I'll try to catch it on film, but so far it is hard to get him to do it twice in a row, and the first one always gets missed.

Also, I've just bound off my second Shetland Triangle. As soon as it's blocked, I'll let you see it.

ETA photo 5/1/09

Well, I sorta caught it... :)

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Story

3/24/09 11:30am, 3 days late: Senor and I arrive at the Caioti Pizzeria in Studio City to order "The Salad", a salad reputed to induce labor. They have stacks of blank books filled with testimonies of women who drove long ways to partake of The Salad in hopes of getting their little ones out. We heard about it and decided there was nothing to lose. I left a note in the most recent book in hopes that I would soon have an update.

3/24/09 3:00pm, 3 days late: Doctor's appointment. A "fingertip" worth of dilation. We refused an offer to induce, but the doctor did strip my membrane (I didn't know that's what she did until later), which basically means she purposely irritated my cervix during the exam to stimulate the release of hormones in hopes of stirring something up.

3/24/09, 4:00pm, 3 days late: What the hell is that?!
3/24/09, 4:06pm, 3 days late: Woah, what the hell again!
3/24/06, 4:12pm, 3 days late: That's 3 in a row, six minutes apart. I decided to tell Senor. "Senor, I'm having contractions every 6 minutes. They're not that bad, but they are regular. I'm going to wait for a few more to go by to make sure, but I think this is it." Senor goes into high alert.

3/24/09, 5:00pm, 3 days late: I called the doctor's office. "I've had contractions every 6 minutes for the last hour." They said to head for the hospital.

3/24/09, 6:15pm, 3 days late: We arrive at the hospital, bags in hand. They put us in the Labor/Triage room to check my status and put me on the monitors. I was only 1cm dilated, so they decided to have me stay a couple of hours and check the progress at that point-- that's when the photo entitled "This isn't so bad" was taken. I was excited to get on with it and meet my baby. After about two hours on the monitors they decided it was okay for me to walk around. So we made laps of the hallway, stopping every few minutes to lean against a wall during contractions. Senor complimented me on how well I was handling it. In the end, however, they found that I was STILL only about 1cm dilated. As I was still tolerating the contractions well, and likely had many hours to go, they gave us the option to go home and wait it out or stay there a couple more hours-- understanding that they might still send me home at that time if progress hadn't been made-- and see how it goes. We opted to go home. That was at about 10pm.

3/25/09, 1:00am, 4 Days Late: After three hours of watching television, having sent Senor to bed (someone may as well get some sleep), my contractions were about 3 minutes apart and getting scary painful. I woke Senor up and off we went to the hospital again. It was a LONG car trip-- though it only lasted about 18 minutes. Back to the triage room. They still weren't ready to commit to admitting me, but I knew that I would NOT be going home again without a baby. Still only "almost 3cm" dilated, we continued to wait. I wasn't up for walking around anymore, but they did let me use the hot tub since my water hadn't broken yet. That helped me tolerate it for a while, but by 4am I had to give in. "Who do I have to talk to about getting medication?!" I didn't want to go through another contraction without knowing that relief was on the way. I am not a superhero, and at that point I was convinced that a person could, in fact, die from pain. If I had been trapped in an elevator or somewhere with no help, I am convinced that I would have gone toward the light-- that's the only way I can think to explain how badly it hurt... for me. Not everyone has this experience, and some, like my friend Ashley, get through the whole thing without making a peep and without any medication. I applaud that. I could not do it. I can't imagine anything hurting worse than what I felt. I was a banshee, and I felt bad for the other people in the hospital who were facing labor... if they weren't scared of it before, they were after hearing me. There was no cursing nor any hateful invectives for Senor, but the moaning was out of control. I was embarrassed.

3/25/09, 4:00am, 4 days late: They admitted me. Finally. We walked to my delivery room, I vomited on arrival, and they gave me the fast-acting narcotic pain killer. I was out. I was EFFED up! I felt as though I was in a shooting gallery, where everything was two-dimensional and streaming past on conveyor belts. At least that was fun.

3/25/09, 7:00am, 4 days late: The narcotics wore off and I was given the epidural by an anesthesiologist wearing a Redondo Beach Superbowl 10k 2009 race t-shirt... a race that Senor and I might have run if not for being all pregnant. That made me like the man... that and the large needle full of drugs that he had to offer. Epidurals are difficult to explain. I can only say this: It felt like someone was tapping on my soul, and I knew that no one belonged in there. But it wasn't more painful than merely uncomfortable. I settled in to wait out the dilating. My mom showed up to help entertain and support us. Senor looked exhausted. He hadn't even had the tripped out drugged up sleep that I'd had. He'd been up all night just worrying. Poor guy.

Then the vomiting resumed. Every time I vomited, Zuul's heart rate dropped, then slowly returned to normal. As the day wore on, though, the vomiting continued, and Zuul stopped recovering so well. By 2 or so in the afternoon, the nurses brought me a phone; it was my doctor. She recommended a c-section. Something is distressing this baby, and they are afraid that if it can't tolerate the vomiting, which mimics the physics of pushing, then the baby most likely won't tolerate pushing very well at all... plus I was still only just over 6cm dilated and the remaining 4cm could take hours and hours. She suggested I discuss it with my husband, but she thought the c-section was the best option we had.

I cried, but Senor and I decided that a c-section would be best. Before we could even inform the nurses of our decision, another bout of vomiting caused Zuul's heart rate to drop so low and stay so low that an alarm on the monitor started to sound. A flood of nurses came in. "We're doing a c-section. Sign this paper. Your doctor is on the way. She will meet us in the operating room." And we were off.

2:50-3:12pm. Though it seemed much faster... They wheeled me off. They pumped up my epidural to completely numb me. They moved me onto the operating table-- very difficult with your lower body turned off. They put up the blue tarp to block my view. The doctors and nurses were very hectic and short with each other. They were in a hurry that started to scare me. "Can you feel that?" they asked, as I felt poking on my belly. "Yes," I said. "If you are not numb in about two minutes, we are going to knock you out entirely." I panicked. I did not want to miss the birth of my child. About a minute later, someone asked, "Can you feel that?" I felt nothing. "No," I said. "Good, because we already started." A brave move, if you ask me. Senor was there, and it felt like about one minute went by... and then I heard, "It's a boy."

There was no crying right away. In fact it was about 30 seconds or so, I think, before he cried. His cord was wrapped twice around his neck very tightly. Every time I vomited (which I continued to do DURING the surgery-- I apologized to the doctors for messing up their operation), it was pushing my little boy down, which was essentially hanging him by his neck. We had an answer.

But then I heard the cries. The most beautiful sound I ever heard. They were higher-pitched and more squeaky than I expected, but it meant he was breathing. I knew we'd be okay. "It's a boy! It's a boy! It's a boy!" I kept shouting. We told them his name, they cleaned him up, and they laid him on my chest. I had a son. I tried to study him, but he was so close to my face that I couldn't really see him very well. He looked at me, though, and he seemed curious and concerned. But he was calm.

After a few minutes, they took Senor and Elliott off to the nursery to make sure everything was okay, and they sewed me up and took me to the recovery room. My mom and dad were there as well as my brother and his fiance. I was really happy, though totally out of it, and I didn't worry too much about the passage of time without seeing my baby. I thought before it all started that I would care if other people got to spend a bunch of time with him before I did, but in the end it wasn't that important. His daddy was with him, and my family was with me, and I knew he'd be brought to me soon.

And then he was. My Elliott. Our Elliott.

So maybe we'll use our birth plan on Baby #2... 'cause NOT ONE thing on it happened.

What can you do?

Friday, April 10, 2009

Holy. Giant. Child. Batman.

100th percentile in height?!

Damn, Son!

(Don't tell the other moms, but I've actually been knitting a bit. I'm sure there's some kind of mothering thing I should have been doing instead, but it was calling to me. Don't panic, the baby was sleeping soundly, not-- say-- drowning alone in a bathtub or aspirating his own spit up.)

Thursday, April 09, 2009

New Wive's Tale

Hair dye applied during pregnancy can mutate genetics.*

Is this or is this not a red-headed child?

If you click on this photo and make it bigger, you can REALLY see the red. I know it may not last, but I love that it is there now... it means there's a chance!

Oh yeah, Elliott's umbilicial cord stump fell off today!! Yahoo!!!!!

*I am not a medical professional, please do not actually attempt this on your own child. I have performed no studies, and this may just be a coincidence... or is it? ;)

Friday, April 03, 2009

As Though Breast Pumps Aren't Humiliating Enough...

The ultimate insult: Pumping milk and then dropping the bag on the floor. 10 minutes of pumping yourself like a dairy cow and half of it gone in half a second. I hope Elliott sleeps a bit extra to give me time to remake that half ounce...

Thursday, April 02, 2009

A few more photos

I have written some of the story, but it turns out it's a long story... I'll try to get it up here soon. In the meantime, a few more photos for you.

This photo is optimistically entitled "This isn't so bad". That was only after about 3 hours of labor. I was yet to be sent home from (and return to) the hospital that same night. What the hell did I know?

After 23 hours of labor, here's how we finally got to meet our son. I don't seem too concerned that someone is on the other side of that curtain sewing me up... I remember I just kept shouting, "It's a boy! It's a boy!! It's a boy!!!" And at some point I heard some suspicious extended buzzing and I asked them, "Am I crashing?" It didn't matter that I could still hear my own heartbeat on the monitor at the time... that's because I was on drugs!

Mommy's little Buddah. He must have been in lotus position for the past 9 months, 'cause it comes really naturally now!

Here he is, 4 days old. They change so much in the first few days, don't they?

One week old and he's already bored of us...