Today I did my best to wreck Valentine's Day. I assumed that the man I married was as much of a romantic slacker as I am, and I opened my mouth and let it get the best of me. The morning news was doing a report on how you can still get flowers on Valentine's Day, how it's not too late, but how you'll have to go to the store and get them yourself, how it's too late to get flowers delivered anywhere... Being sassy and presumptuous and trying to give my man an out, I quipped to the television, "Yes, but you'll have to pay faaaaar out the ass for them, and they just die in a few days." And then I turned to my loving husband on Valentine's Day and said, "You don't have to get me flowers today. Get them for me some other day when they're charging regular prices."
What I did wrong: I assumed that, like me, he had not already prepared for Valentines Day. I assumed that whatever he might do for me would be done on the way home from work today because that is my plan. I assumed that I needed to protect myself from the disappointment of not getting flowers on Valentine's Day. I assumed that he would appreciate a Get Out of VD Free card because I'm sorta wishing I had one. I forgot that, in times of gift giving, one should keeps ones mouth shut because one never knows what they might be putting a damper on.
What I did right: Marry a man that knows that sometimes there's a difference between what my mouth says and what my heart wants and needs. I married a man that loves me the way Kate Nash wishes someone would love her:
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three
I said no flowers because I wanted to make his life easier, not because I didn't want them. And I got them, and suddenly I am having a wonderful Valentine's Day. With the exception of my acting like an ass, this is a perfect balance.
I love you, Buddy.
Happy Valentine's Day Everyone. Try to keep your mouth shut. You'll be fine.