Thursday, August 02, 2007

What a Change of Diet Can Do in 3 Days

First, what a change of diet can't do. It can't return you to your wedding weight in 3 days. It can't give you a reason to pull the "too small" bag out of the garage. It can't keep your jeans from cutting into your tummy all day as you sit in your office chair. It can't make you want to go to the gym. Not in 3 days. It can't really make you look any different at all.

But what it can do? It can apparently make you want to blog again. It can help Anxiety move out of the master bedroom of your mind and take up residence in the guest room (still living with you, still in the way, but not necessarily a permanent cohabitor). It can make you want to talk to people again. It can bring you back from hiding.

Eventually, if we let ourselves go too far and we live with the guilt of that for too long, we start to lose pieces of ourselves. I've been chipping away at my enthusiasms and interests for a long time. I've been gradually receding into my own background. I have not been comfortable there... I miss me. On our wedding video, I informed myself and the cameraman that, "I am pretty much the funniest person in my life." I have some funny friends and relatives who may take issue with this remark, and I'm not really sure that it's true myself, but the fact of the matter is that a mere 15 months ago, I thought I was a funny person and enjoyed being with myself. I had something I was proud enough and sure enough of that I was willing to brag about it on camera. That's really something. That's a belief that goes to the core if I'M willing to brag about it.

So where has that funny girl been? This sad, chubby girl sat on her, I guess, or shoved her in a closet and piled yarn on top of her.

I'm not saying I'm funny again. I don't think a change of diet can do that in just 3 days. But I do believe I've opened the closet door (not that kind of closet) and let some of the yarn roll out. I feel a bit less embarassed of myself, a bit less consumed with my own worry, a bit less obsessed with being invisible.

I don't want this blog to turn into a diet blog, all I'm saying is, if you're wondering how it is that I've managed to post 3 days in a row after narely posting once a week for a while, it's because I ate a little more stuff that I don't have to deny.

I'm a long way off yet, but I'm on a good road. I'm starting to remember that funny girl.

*************** Okay, I'm done now. For now.**************

Let's knit some stuff! Started and frogged some Hedera socks from Knitty.com. Anyone have a comment on the brands of yarn that have worked for this pattern? I liked the 3 inches I knit yesterday, but it wouldn't have fit the foot of even my smallest friend. I guess the yarn was too fine. What would work better?

4 comments:

Gregorio said...

Actually, I dare say you're the funniest person I know. And no I'm not trying to blow smoke up your tush! :-)

Gregorio said...

And I almost forgot... KUDOS on shooting for WW again! If you wanna post about your progress you go right ahead. No need to apologize for doing so!

*July messed me up pretty good, but I'm back on track for August! 10lbs till goal!*

The_Add_Knitter said...

Ok, you cannot know how timely your post is for me at th is very moment. I can SO relate to the 'losing pieces of oneself' concept as well as Anxiety moving into the master bedroom. Thank you so much!

Knitty_Prof said...

Loved this post. I joined WW about 10 weeks ago. I have not had a great loss (only 6 pounds) but I am much more conscious of what I am doing when I decide to eat something. I am learning to make better choices and that will take awhile. I am on my way to a better me and I plan to enjoy the journey. Thanks for posting this timely message, for me!