Okay. I admit it. I've been scary lately. It's only part of the story, of course. There is a soft underbelly (and overbelly, and everywherebelly) that I've been hiding away a bit mostly because I can't afford to cry every time I feel the urge. Which is pretty much all of the time. Crying in joy and disbelief are not, unfortunately, part of my job description here at the dental office, and I fear that if I cry at everything that touches me, I will scare Senor more than he already is.
"All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go..."
I did it. Last night I packed for the hospital. That made me cry. I packed little clothes for a person who is not going on this trip with us but who is coming home with us. I packed clothes for a woman that I haven't met as well, I packed for Mommy, and she will be me... or I will be her, whichever way you look at it. And in most senses, we'll be very similar, but then who knows what amazing things she will know that I don't? And I'm supposed to pack a snack for this Daddy guy, but I haven't met him yet either. What will he want to eat while living by Mommy's hospital bed? Packing was a difficult and mysterious job, which I guess is why I put it off so long... and why it made me cry.
Ooh, I need to pack Daddy a change of clothes, too.
I'm starting to wonder how bright Zuul is. He or she is digging around in there, working hard at what seems to be trying to getting out, but I can't seem to make him or her understand that DOWN is the way to dig, not UP! You'll never get to China that way, kid! I think I was participating in some wishful thinking the other day when I said I thought the baby had dropped. Or if it did drop, it climbed back up... a rather impressive feat if you consider that it climbed up ass first... but not all that productive. Come on, Zuul, help a Mommy out!
I cast on a Shetland Triangle yesterday for working on during labor. It's a theory I have that the Shetland Triangle is the perfect labor knitting-- just complicated enough to keep me focused and interested, but not so difficult that I'll eff it up and end up more stressed out than I would be if I were JUST pushing a kid out of myself. The difficult part about preparing this project was having to stop. I find this pattern incredibly addictive, but I wanted to leave off while the rows are still short enough to have some sense of momentum. I'm using Hand Maiden Casbah in Dandelion. So soft! I'll let you know how the plan works out.
I think that's it for now. Was I less scary? Don't be afraid of me, I'm just going through some stuff and trying to share genuinely, even when it's ugly. But I'm still me, soft side and all.