Tuesday, March 03, 2009

This Month

Holy Crap! This month I will become a parent (sweet Jeebus, I hope it's this month, otherwise I'll be 11 days past my sell-by date). Definitely there will be a baby in no more than 4 1/2 weeks... Can you get your brain around that? And if you can, can you explain it to me? 'Cause I just can't figure it all out!

I know what to do... in theory.

I have everything we'll need... almost.

I've done all the preparations... okay, not really, but the car seat is ready. We'll at least be able to get baby home. I figure that's a good starting point.

I can prevent choking and respiratory arrest... on dolls.

I can diaper and swaddle... a doll.

I can maintain serene relaxation through contractions... fake contractions.

I can achieve the correct latch for breastfeeding... with a doll.

I don't even like dolls, kids. I like them even less now that I had one staring up at me from my boob for two hours last night all plastic-eyed and polyester-lashed.

But what does all of this really mean? I suspect that in a few weeks I may tell you it all means this: Not much. But now I know, and knowing is half the battle, right G.I. Joe?

I bet G.I. Joe didn't have any kids. Not with that confusing smooth part he had in the front there. But he'd never let my kid spray paint a bike in a garage with all of the windows and doors closed, now would he? Perhaps that's all one really needs to be a good parent. Some good cartoons and common sense.

I'll go with that to get me through today, day 18.


Mother of Chaos said...

Heh - you're way ahead of where I was when Eldest arrived. We'd only had two meetings of the pre-natal thing when HELLO, it's GO TIME.

Unbelievably, they let us leave the hospital with her in spite of our obvious lack of training.

Even more amazingly, she actually survived.

Oddly, we humans have somehow managed to repeat this experience billions of times through the ages. You will be fine, and so will Baby, and you will be awesome at it.

And, OMG, word verification on this one is 'lactu.'

amanda said...

Honestly? I'm sad because you'll probably be a little overwhelmed (yes, still awesome, but what new parent isn't a little overwhelmed at first!?) and you won't give us your glorious, beautiful blog posts with as much frequency. I will take comfort in knowing that when you DO find time to write, it will be TREMENDOUS.
Also, one of my friend's babies loved to sleep in her arms while she was at the computer, but did really bad at sleeping while said friend was on the phone... so maybe you WILL have blog time.

amanda said...

ps. would love another pregnant pic.