Building a Relationship from a One Night Stand

It happens in movies and on television all the time-- Hello, Grey's Anatomy has made an entire series based on a series one night stands. Monica and Chandler ended up married after a one night stand, though they did know each other for a while before hand. Julia Roberts and Richard Gere did it at the Reg. Bev. Wil. Even Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl managed to make it work, against all odds.

Generally, though, I would say it's a "romantic" notion used in movies and t.v. to make us feel good about the foolish things we do. Most people I know who've done it when they shouldn't have don't end up in a white dress holding a delightful combination of in-season blooms. They end up frustrated that their McDreamy only calls them at 10pm to come over for some sex and uncomfortable chatter and wants nothing in the way of a relationship. Well, duh, have you heard of Pavlov and his dog? There's a reason my sister-in-law's dog knows how to ring a bell when it needs to go out and do it's business. It's not because it's a ninja, as originally suspected. It's because it's a dog, and it knows how to get what it wants and from whom-- Good dog, Wash.

(While it may seem like I am pinning the bad name on men here, I do realize that it goes the other way quite often. And I also acknowledge that the booty call phenomenon has A LOT to do with the fact that girls GO when called. If we didn't, they wouldn't.)

What I've never thought of until now, on day "14", is that motherhood is exactly this: Building a relationship from a one night stand. The kind of one night stand where no words are even exchanged before this stranger is all up in your business.

Women all over the world, every second of the day, even in the most modest of societies, are putting it all out there in the hope that a solid and loving relationship will develop from this incredibly shameless leap of faith. And the really challenging circumstance is this: It will be YEARS before we know whether it's going to work out or not. Will this baby grow up to be a good one or a bad seed? Will they love us and share their lives with us, or will they put us in a home as soon as we are old enough to collect Social Security? Will we put all of the right things into the relationship to make this stranger appreciate or at least put up with our music, our movies, our cooking, our stupid puns? Will they forgive our missteps and love us anyway, or will they run screaming from our presence as soon as they are old enough?

It's scary, isn't it?

I know I won't be thinking about this that first night when my son or daughter is looking up at me from my bosom, which I will have so willingly laid bare for him or her. I know I will be convinced that it's all going to work out... and most likely it will. I don't think I'll be the kind of mother that my children won't want at their weddings because I ruined their lives. I don't think Senor and I are carriers of the serial killer gene, though perhaps, in hindsight, a bit of extra genetic testing would have been good. And I'm pretty sure that Senor and I are demonstrative enough people to raise children who will know how much they are loved.

But it would be nice to be 100% sure of all of this before all the nudity and spread-eagling, wouldn't it?

Girls and boys, next time you're at a bar thinking, "I could go home with this hotty tonight," make a list of the things you are 100% sure of and think twice... 'cause a one night stand with an attractive stranger, whomever they may be, could result in another kind of one night stand 9 months later. And that stranger will be covered in goo, totally non-verbal, and completely clingy... and they won't go home after they shower.

And you'll love them anyway.

At least, that's the plan.



Just saying.